tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5580914822725925062024-03-05T03:34:02.474-06:00Justin's JesusAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-22036122774984516612017-10-10T02:32:00.002-05:002017-10-10T02:36:19.006-05:00A Time to be Silent<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Today we will be celebrating Rowen's 1st birthday! It is definitely a time to be joyous. I am not mourning that we didn't get this with Justin, like I would have a few years ago. I am not at that point in my life anymore. Don't get me wrong, I miss that little boy terribly, everyday. I do miss that we didn't get to do everything with him that we wanted to do, or celebrate with him physically special days, like his first birthday; but today I am not sad. I have not completed my journey, and will not do that until I take my last breath on earth and my first breath of heavenly air. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">However, this is the end of my journey with the Justin's Jesus blog, and I want to thank all of you! In the six years I have been pouring my heart out to you, I have been happy, sad, angry, helpful, and yes, even though it hurts to admit, I have also been hateful at times; and for that I am sorry. The saying "hurting people, hurt people" is one of the truest statements I have ever heard, (and lived). </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">You guys have gone through so many "seasons" with me. Some of you stayed, some of you left, some I have help, some I have hurt. I am so thankful for each and every one of you whether you were a "blessin' or a lesson". Each one of you were placed in my path for reason, I truly believe that, and appreciate how God has used you in my life. Thank you for your help and your patience with me as I am sure you have all helped me more than I could ever help you. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you to those of you who sat with us at the hospital.</span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Those that prayed from a distance and those that held our hands and prayed.</span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Those that shared in our happy moments; the day we found out we were expecting again, the day we had Hannah, and the day we had Rowen. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you for all of your silent prayers, those I don't even know were ever said. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you for the ones who cried with us and those who cried for us. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you ALL for just being a sounding board. For listening to me sometimes be a lunatic, via blogger, and not always bringing it to my attention. ;)</span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you for you grace. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">The Bible says there is a season for everything; and I believe that with my whole heart; quite a few of them I have lived out loud on Justin's Jesus blog. It's time for me to go on to another season. It's a time for me to be silent, and with that I am posting my very last post. </span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Thank you all again, and thank you so much, Lord Jesus, for carrying me through, and continuing to carry me every day of my life. I would be nothing without you, and I am so thankful for a merciful and graceful Savior who knows I need a little saving everyday. Lord thank you, for the people you have placed in my life, both on the blog and outside of it. Thank you for the blessin's and lessons. Please be with me in this next season. I love you, Lord Jesus. Amen</span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">And with that.....May God be with you in whatever season of life you are in right now! </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZxx7rN_NDNVjNlo-SxuJ8joWSjcvbv-zzwjJVIei8ljj4f6RkOPjs_3UjRAvze4ZVJikaVfHkPIDciCHkj97_5jTPRhjtgdO_7Yl3BzExnTquTpmeH_AhGRErqISarlICX10vYPGZ_p0/s1600/season.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="760" data-original-width="570" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZxx7rN_NDNVjNlo-SxuJ8joWSjcvbv-zzwjJVIei8ljj4f6RkOPjs_3UjRAvze4ZVJikaVfHkPIDciCHkj97_5jTPRhjtgdO_7Yl3BzExnTquTpmeH_AhGRErqISarlICX10vYPGZ_p0/s320/season.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv"></span><br />
<span class="passage-display-bcv">Ecclesiastes 3</span><span class="passage-display-version">New International Version (NIV)</span><br />
<h3>
<span class="text Eccl-3-1" id="en-NIV-17361">A Time for Everything</span></h3>
<div class="poetry">
<div class="line">
<span class="chapter-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-1"><span class="chapternum">3 </span>There is a time<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17361A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17361A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> for everything,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-1">and a season for every activity under the heavens:</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-2" id="en-NIV-17362"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to be born and a time to die,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-2">a time to plant and a time to uproot,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17362B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17362B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-3" id="en-NIV-17363"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to kill<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17363C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17363C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> and a time to heal,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-3">a time to tear down and a time to build,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-4" id="en-NIV-17364"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to weep and a time to laugh,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-4">a time to mourn and a time to dance,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-5" id="en-NIV-17365"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-5">a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-6" id="en-NIV-17366"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to search and a time to give up,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-6">a time to keep and a time to throw away,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-7" id="en-NIV-17367"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to tear and a time to mend,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-7">a time to be silent<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17367D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17367D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> and a time to speak,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Eccl-3-8" id="en-NIV-17368"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span>a time to love and a time to hate,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-8">a time for war and a time for peace.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="top-05">
<span class="text Eccl-3-9" id="en-NIV-17369"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>What do workers gain from their toil?<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17369E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17369E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-10" id="en-NIV-17370"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17370F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17370F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-11" id="en-NIV-17371"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>He has made everything beautiful in its time.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17371G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17371G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NIV-17371a" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NIV-17371a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3#fen-NIV-17371a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup> no one can fathom<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17371H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17371H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup> what God has done from beginning to end.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17371I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17371I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-12" id="en-NIV-17372"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.</span> <span class="text Eccl-3-13" id="en-NIV-17373"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>That each of them may eat and drink,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17373J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17373J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup> and find satisfaction<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17373K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17373K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup> in all their toil—this is the gift of God.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17373L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17373L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-14" id="en-NIV-17374"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17374M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17374M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup></span></div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Eccl-3-15" id="en-NIV-17375"><sup class="versenum">15 </sup>Whatever is has already been,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17375N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17375N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-15">and what will be has been before;<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17375O" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17375O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-15">and God will call the past to account.<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NIV-17375b" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NIV-17375b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3#fen-NIV-17375b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]</sup></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="top-05">
<span class="text Eccl-3-16" id="en-NIV-17376"><sup class="versenum">16 </sup>And I saw something else under the sun:</span></div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Eccl-3-16">In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-16">in the place of justice—wickedness was there.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="top-05">
<span class="text Eccl-3-17" id="en-NIV-17377"><sup class="versenum">17 </sup>I said to myself,</span></div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Eccl-3-17">“God will bring into judgment<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17377P" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17377P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-17">both the righteous and the wicked,</span></span><br />
<span class="text Eccl-3-17">for there will be a time for every activity,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Eccl-3-17">a time to judge every deed.”<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17377Q" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17377Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="top-05">
<span class="text Eccl-3-18" id="en-NIV-17378"><sup class="versenum">18 </sup>I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17378R" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17378R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-19" id="en-NIV-17379"><sup class="versenum">19 </sup>Surely the fate of human beings<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17379S" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17379S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)"></sup> is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NIV-17379c" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NIV-17379c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3#fen-NIV-17379c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]</sup>; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless.</span> <span class="text Eccl-3-20" id="en-NIV-17380"><sup class="versenum">20 </sup>All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17380T" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17380T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Eccl-3-21" id="en-NIV-17381"><sup class="versenum">21 </sup>Who knows if the human spirit rises upward<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17381U" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17381U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup> and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”</span></div>
<span class="text Eccl-3-22" id="en-NIV-17382"><sup class="versenum">22 </sup>So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17382V" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17382V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup> because that is their lot.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-17382W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-17382W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup> For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-20875541537835202112016-05-14T08:24:00.000-05:002016-05-14T08:31:19.578-05:00Happy 5th Birthday, buddy! See you when I get home.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Every year it seems Justin's birthday gets a little easier, a few less tears each time. His second better than first, third better than second and so on, so I naturally thought, "I've got this" this time. As it turns out, though, five is pretty tough.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm not sure if it's just pregnancy hormones, the fact that it landed on a Saturday, maybe because it snuck up on me, or possibly it could just be that five is tough.<br />
<br />
I noticed Ryan was quieter than usual today too, so I'm guessing, five is hard all around. Generally we are able to talk freely about Justin, today I think it was just easier to not mention his birthday or even speak his name.<br />
<br />
This morning when I woke up my first thought was, "We would be getting ready for a party". Today I would be blowing up balloons, setting up the table, wrapping the last minute gift, and having Ryan run to the store at least twice to get things I've forgotten. Right now we would be in a hustle and I would frantic but it would all be fun and worth it to see him blow out his candles and open his gifts. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The 5th birthday is such a big deal in a little one's life. It's that first taste of independence, when you really feel like a big kid. This year you get to start big kid school, this year you go to kindergarten. This year we would be registering Justin for kindergarten and Hannah for preschool and life would be crazy and beautiful; but we're not. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We aren't wrapping gifts and waiting for company to arrive, I'm not in disbelief that "my baby is starting kindergarten", we aren't rushing around to get forms filled out and appointments scheduled for registration, and that's okay, it really is. While this birthday is harder than last I cling to the promise that the Lord has plans for me, that the Lord had plans for Justin and they came to pass. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8qLVdyNl5Us/VzcmEpuBnqI/AAAAAAAAChY/ldcmq3LSor8QODV5e6AQlZBupLakfjQqQCKgB/s1600/16%2B-%2B1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8qLVdyNl5Us/VzcmEpuBnqI/AAAAAAAAChY/ldcmq3LSor8QODV5e6AQlZBupLakfjQqQCKgB/s320/16%2B-%2B1" width="240" /></a></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E4ngZrb4PPg/VzcmkqfoTJI/AAAAAAAAChw/DlEwNR8HrYklO8w04p7Ql0U3UJUR85TtgCKgB/s1600/16%2B-%2B2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E4ngZrb4PPg/VzcmkqfoTJI/AAAAAAAAChw/DlEwNR8HrYklO8w04p7Ql0U3UJUR85TtgCKgB/s320/16%2B-%2B2" width="320" /></a></li>
</ol>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wifofB5lSWU/VzcmkpgG2TI/AAAAAAAAChs/GwRjzcfpzOwN-GF9Oyl7bHaWr-jDNnsCwCKgB/s1600/16%2B-%2B1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wifofB5lSWU/VzcmkpgG2TI/AAAAAAAAChs/GwRjzcfpzOwN-GF9Oyl7bHaWr-jDNnsCwCKgB/s320/16%2B-%2B1" width="320" /></a></div>
I am blessed for the time I had with him, so while my heart breaks a little bit today I will be joyful in remembing his actual birth-day. The first day we saw him, his bright eyes and thick dark hair, the first day we kissed him, hugged him, held him. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And while we can't do the same to him today, the minute I get to my heavenly home I will do just that. Kiss him, hug him, hold him, and look into those bright eyes and tell him how much I love him. I know I will see him again, when I get home.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Happy 5th Birthday Justin Ryker, we love you!!</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-6902730072524045242016-01-06T22:27:00.000-06:002016-01-06T22:32:46.861-06:00Death Strikes Twice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I heard the most heart breaking news today. A family, who just a few months ago laid their baby girl to rest due to stillbirth, (I believe), just had to say goodbye to their 2 year old as well in a very, very tragic accident.<br />
<br />
I cannot even begin, or want, to imagine, what this family is going through. I have prayed for them all day, and yet my prayers keep coming up short and empty handed.<br />
<br />
I don't know how to pray for them.<br />
I pray for peace and healing of course, and I know that God is big enough, and great enough, to supply all their needs, even emotionally; but my small human brain can't fathom peace after that much heartache. I know it will happen for them, because God IS great.<br />
<br />
I am so glad He doesn't have a small mind like me. <br />
<br />
As I was reading our devotional with the boys tonight it told us to dream our biggest dream and even that doesn't compare to the dream God has in store for us. I hope this family can continue to dream and God shows off in a mighty way.<br />
<br />
As a bereaved parent it is sometimes hard for me not to give into fear after hearing stories like this. I keep having to remind myself of three things.<br />
<br />
One, fear does not come from the Lord. (Period) and I cannot allow it to consume me and steal my joy. When I succumb to nasty feelings, only put in my mind by the devil himself, I miss out on so much. I am not able to cherish sweet times with my kids like learning how to draw smily faces, and nighttime devotionals, songs, prayers, and giggles.<br />
<br />
The only thing to fear is fear itself rings true. I instantly have to stop what I'm doing and pray that the Lord will take away those evil thoughts and feelings that oh so quilky sneak up without me even realizing. I refuse to live in fear, and I pray that I am, through Him, able to overcome.<br />
<br />
Two, it's all in His hands. EVERYTHING, every life, every breath, every death. He has control of the situation even when we feel like the world is spinning out of control and we are losing everything. His plan is not only good, it is great, even if we can't comprehend HOW it can even be okay at times.<br />
<br />
I trust Him. I trust that everything works according to His precious design for each and everyone of our lives.<br />
<br />
Three, we belong to Him, all of us, including our children. This is such a hard concept to wrap our heads around sometimes, but our children are only ever lent to us. They were knit together, (by Him) in their mothers womb. They belong to him first and foremost and while NO ONE wants to give them back, sometimes that is the plan, as heart crushing as it is. I have peace in knowing that I will spend eternity with my Lord and Savior and with my children, may they not stray, and when I do, this life on earth will seem as short as a second, a blurp on a screen.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I am asking every prayer warrior out there, please, to start a prayer chain. Please raise this family up. Pray that they do not turn from Him in these tragic days, pray for peace, comfort, and healing. Let us lift this family up so far they feel Jesus carrying them.<br />
/<a href="http://lemmonythings.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/">http://lemmonythings.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-71020961117600414672015-06-20T03:06:00.002-05:002015-06-20T14:59:04.637-05:00Just a Jake Day <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TJGL_KOb0jOH-zjKdZUqlwzG6jNKlVfI6uapjXijmalduRFWXno-Hr2RUGtCUiVEokhh67HcvErZZd5XQVwoaq6p6mvFOaMaUkIN-s5D6qJUVUhf2vtH1myXRF8X4v8sdjkz3iaq08o/s1600/jakey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TJGL_KOb0jOH-zjKdZUqlwzG6jNKlVfI6uapjXijmalduRFWXno-Hr2RUGtCUiVEokhh67HcvErZZd5XQVwoaq6p6mvFOaMaUkIN-s5D6qJUVUhf2vtH1myXRF8X4v8sdjkz3iaq08o/s320/jakey.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLuneQ4xvWBoRnwFomAEmFlUj9pFgBD6UTh1lPIEsXVbKTSCP1cSqauYLbmrWloMgxaYWXLq3OD6W6LDcGNiS6PXn9nYL8XbZuTb250zhVGGEQTkq55kb7NLeGcVKA7cQpdBZtEtIe1-k/s1600/DSC_6835.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLuneQ4xvWBoRnwFomAEmFlUj9pFgBD6UTh1lPIEsXVbKTSCP1cSqauYLbmrWloMgxaYWXLq3OD6W6LDcGNiS6PXn9nYL8XbZuTb250zhVGGEQTkq55kb7NLeGcVKA7cQpdBZtEtIe1-k/s320/DSC_6835.JPG" width="213" /></a>I realized today just how far we have put Jacob in the middle child shadow. Today he made a mistake; a big mistake. He acted out on nerves, fear, and emotion, and chose poorly. He got in trouble, BIG trouble. I realize tonight though, as I can't sleep how much of that really falls back on me as a parent. Jacob gets lumped in with Riley so much that we forget he is almost 2 years younger. He is the same height they are two of a kind...but they aren't. They are two different kids, yet we expect him to be just as responsible as his brother, to make rational decisions that he's not even developmentally capable of making at this age. He also requires more attention than we give him. With having a VERY demanding little sister, Jacob's needs sometimes are (unintentionally) put on the back burner. I forget that he's only 6, and a young 6. He's not 7 going on 8 in a few short months, he is ONLY 6. There are two things that came to mind today. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivm-wTHrMe3pJdfUaxwlgD1cj1ed3xfd2LGs8dSbjcwbFNqSV4mKCUL6xP4qzaLI8VzHzQBnwJ0xx2lRfIiHjNJqdtpQMrPJDr5CKosTbMRGEGb7CxaL_nKJs4JMdMkXnot-SHDUEHdSw/s1600/DSC_2614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivm-wTHrMe3pJdfUaxwlgD1cj1ed3xfd2LGs8dSbjcwbFNqSV4mKCUL6xP4qzaLI8VzHzQBnwJ0xx2lRfIiHjNJqdtpQMrPJDr5CKosTbMRGEGb7CxaL_nKJs4JMdMkXnot-SHDUEHdSw/s320/DSC_2614.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi71xvRQmA1bDrEOkTf8en53CNpHFnJ5Y9fuzCKYgNyavVf7iW7mH38lUppJzz3M15KjWroBjN2nSSSKXY4hF2TppgFfaqSSXW5Osj44ysrbdny4lkxa241wIDWv_2jZPnJQCTfq3fsqo/s1600/DSC_2615.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi71xvRQmA1bDrEOkTf8en53CNpHFnJ5Y9fuzCKYgNyavVf7iW7mH38lUppJzz3M15KjWroBjN2nSSSKXY4hF2TppgFfaqSSXW5Osj44ysrbdny4lkxa241wIDWv_2jZPnJQCTfq3fsqo/s320/DSC_2615.jpg" width="213" /></a>The first being that I need to stop thinking of the boys as "twins" and see them as who they are individually. I cannot expect a six year to react in the same ways an eight year old would. Riley and Jacob are two totally different boys, don't get me wrong they are the same in a lot of ways, but there are so many things that make them their own person. Jacob is my lovey, snuggly guy that craves attention, once again attention that we don't adequately give him. He had every reason to make the choice he made today, even though it was a dangerous one. I expected too much from him. I expected him to make 8 year old choices. I am not saying that he did not need to learn a lesson for this, or that I should not have scolded him for it. He needed to be. He needed a quick lesson on the fact that you need to calm down before you make a choice that could end terribly; (thankfully it didn't, this time). And I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCBOEQEc3d5VypKBd2y9qmxPNX31F8q-lmnxw6ltu6nZ7O7yabivrgYO1Mab3bvUenC8fQKI7Hcrq6xH8jsndCRIMT15fx8AyPVZS5CVe7RRjaoLGm4k8aeRuLOU7o9apwzyp4a0CCEA/s1600/jake+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCBOEQEc3d5VypKBd2y9qmxPNX31F8q-lmnxw6ltu6nZ7O7yabivrgYO1Mab3bvUenC8fQKI7Hcrq6xH8jsndCRIMT15fx8AyPVZS5CVe7RRjaoLGm4k8aeRuLOU7o9apwzyp4a0CCEA/s320/jake+3.jpg" width="240" /></a>The second thing that has me up thinking about this tonight is something Jacob said. After we had all calmed down, I told Jacob of course that we love him, we just need him to be sure of choices before he makes....on and on...you know the whole parent, "you need to learn your lesson" bit; and Jacob asked, "Mom, can we not tell the whole family about this?" I'm honestly not sure why it is a big deal, but I made the promise that I would not tell the "whole family". Which is why I am not putting exactly what he did in this post. It wasn't something crazy, just a wrong choice. That got me thinking though, how often do I ask God that same question. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkfKdCh1qoV9gHlDa57vfLXY2eV_WKOc9kOgLzYk6CrcPDvdJ5Iow9nDLaEkcvvtQUQgy564o912zhaJsxqI-2lvFzVm28nHdlzfI_9O2X6sdtpyb_3F-k4_1BZLNHdyH1q48izTF4Xc/s1600/jake+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkfKdCh1qoV9gHlDa57vfLXY2eV_WKOc9kOgLzYk6CrcPDvdJ5Iow9nDLaEkcvvtQUQgy564o912zhaJsxqI-2lvFzVm28nHdlzfI_9O2X6sdtpyb_3F-k4_1BZLNHdyH1q48izTF4Xc/s320/jake+2.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW4o_HRjuhiSM5lLjP4SAODPYd6ZrEA99miMYKegWCsheV-FrcDcNAJ7Gp4Ai8HhYQmEBopK7Fmj2bvSh51la8pEWU6lAAW59iuOI821R05j3ZWL9qcEwH5LCRDk6sXnG_dDsD1eAPSeI/s1600/DSC_7898.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW4o_HRjuhiSM5lLjP4SAODPYd6ZrEA99miMYKegWCsheV-FrcDcNAJ7Gp4Ai8HhYQmEBopK7Fmj2bvSh51la8pEWU6lAAW59iuOI821R05j3ZWL9qcEwH5LCRDk6sXnG_dDsD1eAPSeI/s320/DSC_7898.jpg" width="213" /></a>How often do I make really stupid choices based on nerves, fear, and emotion, then come to my senses and BEG God not to let the world find out about my faults or irrational thinking? How often do I plead that He not show the whole world that I just fell flat on my face, or ask that I don't fall flat even though my choices could very easily cause me to do just that? How often, do I really think like a 6 year old. Too many for being 30! At the same time, what an awesome, amazing, grace-filled, merciful God I serve that so many times He has done just what I did with Jacob. "Yes child, you messed up. Yes there are consequences, but I will cover you with my feathers. Learn from this, get back up, make better choices, and yes, child, I still love you!" How many times has he brushed off my knees and not let the world see that have fallen, and I am so so thankful for that!!! I love that he loves me even more than I love my children, and that he loves my children even more than I do, even though it seems impossible to me. <br />
<br />
A little about my little guy....I really am so blessed to be this boy's mommy. He is spunky and quick witted. He has more facial expressions than anybody out there. He makes us laugh every day! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0JOSqD7LMWEPUxxc8tWOtlcwxrp3PrXdt5dtnTGx-mdLkLYDi1L1EbyiTOTqQ2nso6bwMHsp4sEu3bS2ADAeSig3A3dmD-PYaiO1Bos8To_DPiAiQD386p1sbdK_6wQKXrJMtO2CHEg/s1600/jake+and+mommy+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0JOSqD7LMWEPUxxc8tWOtlcwxrp3PrXdt5dtnTGx-mdLkLYDi1L1EbyiTOTqQ2nso6bwMHsp4sEu3bS2ADAeSig3A3dmD-PYaiO1Bos8To_DPiAiQD386p1sbdK_6wQKXrJMtO2CHEg/s320/jake+and+mommy+3.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvi3nxTiG0hkUK2tVIBGktyY9MwuARr0pATUgHelGl72DMQXsY6CLi-GeNbNSCE0btKCnhFsEHWIvF8B_6urdVdIpCzZnkX0tHOhbdNdddsivWF9rlxLbIfNAN7wwe0x5i_qVSdQwZHdE/s1600/jake+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvi3nxTiG0hkUK2tVIBGktyY9MwuARr0pATUgHelGl72DMQXsY6CLi-GeNbNSCE0btKCnhFsEHWIvF8B_6urdVdIpCzZnkX0tHOhbdNdddsivWF9rlxLbIfNAN7wwe0x5i_qVSdQwZHdE/s320/jake+4.jpg" width="320" /></a> He has charm and an attitude. He melts my heart every night when he says his prayers, sings (belts out) his praises to Jesus and lets me hear him sing "God Speed" just one more time. He makes me proud as we walk into church and he is in his Sunday best; suit and tie, the whole nine yards, because he has dressed himself again for church. This little boy who wants to be a cop and a rock star. The same silly boy that still believes he has night vision; so much in fact that he has Riley praying at night that Jesus would give him night vision like Jacob. I hope I remember to let him be little, even when there are lessons to be learned. He really is such a pride and joy. I just love that boy!!!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0azyp54HD20QJCJhyDqkdGmhVLY6LkIs05uZbiVstY7wYZDAU1HdPNn_33A0aIxctpVdyCAnN62SYFhfJIu-Rk3jL56PxYfIesF08yHoocsZvWo6FweAp8oKI9MWgiIDZkrHLKCABh40/s1600/Jake+and+mommy+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0azyp54HD20QJCJhyDqkdGmhVLY6LkIs05uZbiVstY7wYZDAU1HdPNn_33A0aIxctpVdyCAnN62SYFhfJIu-Rk3jL56PxYfIesF08yHoocsZvWo6FweAp8oKI9MWgiIDZkrHLKCABh40/s320/Jake+and+mommy+2.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-y-M3E9OByXgwVAfuSOBn0IqMRXGJE6ew2yOse_E1R6DffeMdRzo-FCEefDQRwmhq47GaKHuXh5hiPoclCHlYY2aM1AmzqYSLGWueC05V9-SE-jCHlHlbkEJx91Ee18JVV7ZEFGADUnI/s1600/jake+and+mommy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-y-M3E9OByXgwVAfuSOBn0IqMRXGJE6ew2yOse_E1R6DffeMdRzo-FCEefDQRwmhq47GaKHuXh5hiPoclCHlYY2aM1AmzqYSLGWueC05V9-SE-jCHlHlbkEJx91Ee18JVV7ZEFGADUnI/s320/jake+and+mommy.jpg" width="240" /></a>I think this week Jacob and I are going to have a Mommy-Jake day. Just me and my precious 6 year old. A day where he doesn't have to share my lap with Hannah, where he doesn't have to do what Riley wants him to do. A day he doesn't have to share all his toys with Hannah and move out of a chair because it is HER CHAIR and she demands no one else sits in it. Just a Jake day. I so badly want to go wake him up and snuggle with him, and ask him just what he wants to do on a day just to himself. I know how excited he is going to be! Of course I won't, it's late, way late, and he has had a hard day, but I know tomorrow the first thing I am going to do is snuggle that sweet, yet oh so ornery, little strawberry blonde boy, and plan a very fun Jake day! I may actually be even more excited than him!! :) <br />
<br />
It seems this lady must have had the same kind of day, she just says it more eloquently, than I did. If you get a chance click on the link below. :)<br />
<a href="http://www.whenathome.com/did-i-love-you-enough-today/">http://www.whenathome.com/did-i-love-you-enough-today/</a> <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI26Gd3NoUvuH0wcYfo6GOHo1GV7Qkzgr8PXWEoQnIf9bwdx0JlYeSZCpgOxJbjraZzZQ2Fb9K5IJokt5R-qlJoKLW3hYiG3pD2g5ySJAmZ4K9Q88h1_piYWgaa-LigjxLsSzDjk89dr4/s1600/jake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI26Gd3NoUvuH0wcYfo6GOHo1GV7Qkzgr8PXWEoQnIf9bwdx0JlYeSZCpgOxJbjraZzZQ2Fb9K5IJokt5R-qlJoKLW3hYiG3pD2g5ySJAmZ4K9Q88h1_piYWgaa-LigjxLsSzDjk89dr4/s320/jake.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-39841599409022374122015-05-29T17:13:00.000-05:002015-05-29T20:24:07.457-05:00Help Me, Lord<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflOcXoFoc5p_GuIo90wYzEaiB3k6wlR7sSE_EcICJ3ulo75062A4UEYbHU8m0ZCsUp8fyj7rUwIPsl3VJ8Jl8bRlyvt9kR9uNdLcwSR4bWElGQdWKEI14CwuwLowSNw__lECnvS0O-8Q/s1600/keep-calm-and-say-help-me-lord.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflOcXoFoc5p_GuIo90wYzEaiB3k6wlR7sSE_EcICJ3ulo75062A4UEYbHU8m0ZCsUp8fyj7rUwIPsl3VJ8Jl8bRlyvt9kR9uNdLcwSR4bWElGQdWKEI14CwuwLowSNw__lECnvS0O-8Q/s320/keep-calm-and-say-help-me-lord.png" width="274" /></a>I have been trying to write this blog for a few days. I even had one almost written then deleted it because it just wasn't going where I wanted it to. I kept allowing my own thoughts and emotions get in the way of what God was wanting me to hear, and I knew it, I just couldn't seem to get over myself enough to listen to what he was wanting me to hear. I prayed a lot, I got impatient, even angry. A lot of times I have to write in order to get my own thoughts straight, otherwise my mind wanders and I get lost trying decipher through my own thoughts, and I end up getting no where And learning nothing. I become more impatient trying to figure things out on my own.<br />
<br />
The other day I found a book I had bought a few years ago and never got the chance to read. It is a Max Lucado book titled <u><em>A Love Worth Giving</em></u>. It was just what I needed to get over myself. My feelings of despair, rejections, failure, and disgrace.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGXb5Yh3x7s4S4jogcu-2sDFUS2QZqFos8rlUDV0KLGa6tyUD_Tlrni1h9epup4MnQSNTZ7-mmCLmlnxi19ojyRm8YLSlnh-vTMPBKUnZm7HQ4IDWfD0baTqM1fdUSdYpWpEatilfsXGY/s1600/0683b445f1570c6e7b458d7f6c75337d7db8df12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGXb5Yh3x7s4S4jogcu-2sDFUS2QZqFos8rlUDV0KLGa6tyUD_Tlrni1h9epup4MnQSNTZ7-mmCLmlnxi19ojyRm8YLSlnh-vTMPBKUnZm7HQ4IDWfD0baTqM1fdUSdYpWpEatilfsXGY/s320/0683b445f1570c6e7b458d7f6c75337d7db8df12.jpg" width="220" /></a><br />
I was still not sure how to put all of my thoughts into writing so I prayed. My prayers were still a jumbled mess and left me getting sidetracked and distracted by other things, so instead I sat down and wrote my prayer. I really believe that was the Lord, bringing me back to him. Just me and him, keeping me focused on what exactly I was needing to talk to him about. <br />
<br />
In Max's book he shares a story about a 6 year old girl who received a strand of pearls from her dad who frequently went on long business trips, they were fake of course, but none the less she adored these pearls. Her dad came home after a week in the Orient and as he tucked her into bed he asked her if she loved him more than anything, to which she obviously replied that she did. He goes on to ask her if she loves him more than her pearls, and if so to give them to him. The little girl does not want to let her pearls go, and tells him so. He tells her that he understands and the little girl goes to bed. The next night, however, she brings the strand of pearls to her daddy and tells him that he can have them, because she loves him more than the pearls. After she has given him the strand of imitation pearls, he pulls out a box of beautiful genuine pearls for her. <br />
<br />
The point of this story is to make ourselves question what we are holding on to and not giving to God. What imitation are we settling for because we are too "attached" to let it go. What blessings, genuine blessings, are we missing because we are not allowing God to give them to us. <br />
<br />
This got me thinking....all night. I know that there are things I need to do differently, ideas in my head that I need to let go of. I have been struggling with where I expected my life to be 30. It does not bother me to turn thirty next month; not in the way that you would think. What bother's me about this birthday is what is going on in my life right now. I foolishly expected my life to be like that in the movies, or even the life that some of my thirty year old friends have. You know the one. The family friendly house, with a picket fence, a dog in the yard, jobs we love, in a nice little friendly Mayberry town. Okay, even I didn't have that high of expectations, but I did expect stability in life by now. I did not expect to be moving every two years, or renting (ugh), or not knowing where we are going to be in month, what the house will even look like, if we have to get rid of the family pets because the landlord doesn't allow them. I wasn't expecting this. Jealousy started rearing it's ugly head. I see my friends in lives that I thought I would have and we are just not there yet, do you hear the pity party I was in again? Max explains how jealousy is like a spark in a house. If something sparks in your house, what do you do? You immediately put it out, make sure that there is no way it could start a fire, because if it does it could destroy your entire house. That's what happens when you allow jealousy in your heart even for a moment, without stomping it out. It festers, it consumes you, it consumes your thoughts, and steals your joy. Jealousy is awful. <br />
<br />
This book is based on 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind.... As I read it I realized how far I had allowed myself to go and how much I needed his help to bring me back to him. There are so many aspects in my life I need to improve on and I cannot do that without letting go and letting God. I know he is using this as a lesson for a blessin'. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVw4-OzEHStnkyez99Y9Kk4cVQkmU1OR6aDcKDGtseYLvwdaC7NoRFazjwn7ICvC6oB38gKVOeeDGNQpCqXQ6lgqTHiInKpqfKWTGDqEQnDqhcSgxmNcyfyS657ikikskU8RpwCZ_npCg/s1600/il_570xN_444947825_8lou.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVw4-OzEHStnkyez99Y9Kk4cVQkmU1OR6aDcKDGtseYLvwdaC7NoRFazjwn7ICvC6oB38gKVOeeDGNQpCqXQ6lgqTHiInKpqfKWTGDqEQnDqhcSgxmNcyfyS657ikikskU8RpwCZ_npCg/s320/il_570xN_444947825_8lou.jpg" width="320" /></a>Dear Heavenly Father,<br />
Thank you for your love, your power, and your forgiveness. I know I can stand on your promises of hope and a future. Thank you for your blessings, abilities, and talents. <br />
<br />
Help me to see others, and myself, through your eyes. Help me to forgive as you forgive me everyday, for everyday I fall short of your glory. Please give me wisdom and understanding of your word, that I may use my life to glorify you. show me what you want me to give up so that I may live my life to glorify you and the attitude to let them go. Help me to imitate your ways, not the ways of the world.<br />
I was made by you, in your image, not my own.<br />
Lord, be with me. Always guiding me with your light to illuminate those areas in my life, to get out of the darkness of my own shadow and into the light of your mercy and grace. <br />
Help me to see pass my faults and failures, as you do, so that I will no longer be imprisoned by them. Break the chains of resentment and rejection that I allow to bind me. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
In Jesus' Name,<br />
<br />
Amen. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinjI5b7MNl5gD8mmjX8GJ-BEqpz_BVqeViolLLQ2MQF30XOqDdcHzkjVKL-KTmbuLaoJ786rWjNCU09UpZ4BBtqxlLmGy4qOaD2mYhxDSzq87pHrj4bndVhs9vyPQgdZMr6FnXqWanCMM/s1600/prayer-hands-god-ad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinjI5b7MNl5gD8mmjX8GJ-BEqpz_BVqeViolLLQ2MQF30XOqDdcHzkjVKL-KTmbuLaoJ786rWjNCU09UpZ4BBtqxlLmGy4qOaD2mYhxDSzq87pHrj4bndVhs9vyPQgdZMr6FnXqWanCMM/s320/prayer-hands-god-ad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-46781491484037831962015-05-23T12:13:00.001-05:002015-05-23T23:24:00.440-05:00Lord, be with her<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am not one to watch the news regularly, but there are some things you just can't miss. With that being said, the news lately seems to be hitting pretty close to home, considering I spent a lot of my childhood living near Omaha. Here is what has been going on lately:<br />
<br />
A baby found in a dumpster, still alive thankfully. His 5 year old brother, taken on his fifth birthday, thrown over a bridge, left to die; and their mother found dead. Terrible!!! All of it!<br />
<br />
Then you have the Omaha police officer who was shot and killed just hours before she went on maternity leave. Again how heart breaking.<br />
<br />
AND AGAIN....3 babies dead in 4 days in Des Moines; co sleeping is the "cause". I WILL have a post about this, very, very soon!!! This was not coincidence, this was NOT a matter or co sleeping and that Iowa Medical Examiner, Mr. Dennis Klein himself, needs to be in the spotlight for blaming parents. He is evil at it's worst. Sorry, a little worked up on that subject but that is for another day; maybe when I calm down a little; or get more worked up, we'll just have to see. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
But the saddest news story I have seen is a young mother, just 24 years old who was found at 6:55 in the morning pushing her dead child on a swing in a public park. It is reported that this mother may have been pushing this precious boy all night! ALL NIGHT?! Can you imagine? We took the kids to the park yesterday, just before I read this news article. One of my children's favorite past time is swinging. All of them love to swing! I'll be honest though, when Riley and Jacob learned to pump by themselves, it was a glorious day!!! haha. I do not like pushing the swings all the time and doing countless number of underdogs. After about 10 minutes of pushing Hannah on the swing I try to either give the job to one of the boys, or direct her to a different park activity. Pushing swings is not all that exciting. So, can you imagine doing it for HOURS on end. I don't think this momma necessarily pushed her child non stop for hours. I do not know this mother, I don't know her heart, her emotions, her day to day activity. I don't know anything about this woman, but my heart breaks for her!!!!!! My entire being aches for her. Who knows what possibly could have happened that day; no one knows how the little guy passed away, what the causes were, but there wasn't anything evident that would point to foul play. Here is how I see this mother. Here are all the "maybe's" that go through my mind when I think of this girl.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYb0ujCwI4oVBgvA1tAexliCiWsWFQ-19bVz5wAxa_KY-TSdUmc_C6uV6NrQGYEyOoxdWenazEx4fsIPKlztnNa1X7STBnzAuuon4Axcj-EzVc2n8N4i0XujrcABi9KBHjQmsGtmvRad8/s1600/wing.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYb0ujCwI4oVBgvA1tAexliCiWsWFQ-19bVz5wAxa_KY-TSdUmc_C6uV6NrQGYEyOoxdWenazEx4fsIPKlztnNa1X7STBnzAuuon4Axcj-EzVc2n8N4i0XujrcABi9KBHjQmsGtmvRad8/s1600/wing.png" /></a></div>
<br />
Read the story here: <br />
<a href="http://fox59.com/2015/05/23/maryland-woman-found-pushing-her-dead-child-in-a-swing/">http://fox59.com/2015/05/23/maryland-woman-found-pushing-her-dead-child-in-a-swing/</a>y<br />
<br />
<br />
Maybe:<br />
<br />
Maybe the little boy was sick and she knew he was going to be gone soon so she took him to his favorite park to do his favorite activity; swinging.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigErKDWddR9iG3QDBEgpDEhNNiMeHgb5G1xGGN3nccMj-F4Lqhn96QL0xuYaZOSoGGTvmMbbFN0feXs4sUK32_pXCf62xjqGNB9ALC0U5Cr5cbv4fBH4LNrRGH1yNcmUON0mWIWQwqbYo/s1600/swings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigErKDWddR9iG3QDBEgpDEhNNiMeHgb5G1xGGN3nccMj-F4Lqhn96QL0xuYaZOSoGGTvmMbbFN0feXs4sUK32_pXCf62xjqGNB9ALC0U5Cr5cbv4fBH4LNrRGH1yNcmUON0mWIWQwqbYo/s1600/swings.jpg" /></a>Maybe the little one did pass away before she took him to the park and she couldn't bear to let him go with out taking him to their favorite place. <br />
<br />
Maybe she was homeless, and couldn't afford to feed or take care of her pride and joy, but she could give him happiness with one last park trip.<br />
<br />
And who knows, she may have a dark background, maybe drug abuse, maybe not. Either way her background doesn't matter, one thing is clear; this mom LOVED her baby. <br />
<br />
Here is what I think about this awful night for this momma. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7_mEQS2t_n1gwyvudyb3QRIRQzFDSwWeFKF6FHFQrlhvNbyMe6x-NDvgNsmLyDRmHLy5oG2cTsfiuFMZNYiUViNIcP4bqm0OMoQoEN0IcDyk5Rv3jHq4PBNjvAELF2TpFjcz-Fz-XxI/s1600/5d2ef89a68e1062d04388a626a4bc935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7_mEQS2t_n1gwyvudyb3QRIRQzFDSwWeFKF6FHFQrlhvNbyMe6x-NDvgNsmLyDRmHLy5oG2cTsfiuFMZNYiUViNIcP4bqm0OMoQoEN0IcDyk5Rv3jHq4PBNjvAELF2TpFjcz-Fz-XxI/s320/5d2ef89a68e1062d04388a626a4bc935.jpg" width="221" /></a>I'm sure she didn't push non stop for 12 hours straight. I bet at sometime she took a few minutes to snuggle her little guy, just one last time. She knew, she had to let go, and soon. Soon she would have to fully admit that little boy was no longer with her, but just not yet. I'm sure she screamed. Maybe she was pleading and begging God, "Please, God, I promise I'll take him to the park more, I know how much he loves to swing. If you just give my baby back to me, I'll take him to the park everyday. I will push him on the swings everyday. I can show you now, I will push him, I will play with him more. I will be there for him more. I will have fun with him more. I will give myself for him, Lord, please if you just give my baby back to me." <br />
<br />
I'm sure she cried. And cried. And cried. She may have even wished that if God was going to take her baby, that He would choose that time to take her too; and as she cried I'm sure she screamed that to the heavens as well.<br />
<br />
Like I said, I don't know. I don't this woman, but my heart has never broken for another woman as it does for her. I pray for her. I pray for healing and peace. I pray for a future, and I pray that she knows the Lord and Savior. Whoever you are, my heart is breaking with yours and I am praying for you and your sweet little one. I'm sure your little one is swinging on a beautiful playground in heaven. Lord, be with her. <br />
<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-42685432648090982912015-05-21T21:23:00.004-05:002015-05-21T21:23:52.038-05:00Rainbow Baby<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjapVPabG-TzsUK2FIQ77fLow1dwalAtCd1B2tVxOTO_bZTBZwLMU6FKja3kSgS_sqqw7mY5G7J8wWxYEFsCrpc3ws34kJ4Nmb6Fx_nYzLcLH8BITg0XhLmV_G1sVwntQO6Ki1vGbY5XZQ/s1600/sunshine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjapVPabG-TzsUK2FIQ77fLow1dwalAtCd1B2tVxOTO_bZTBZwLMU6FKja3kSgS_sqqw7mY5G7J8wWxYEFsCrpc3ws34kJ4Nmb6Fx_nYzLcLH8BITg0XhLmV_G1sVwntQO6Ki1vGbY5XZQ/s200/sunshine.jpg" width="142" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">See I told you I was back! ;) If you are my Facebook friend you know ALL about our rainbow baby, but may not know what "Rainbow baby" means; and if you are not my Facebook friend, but follow my blog, than chances are you don't know much about our Hannah Grace, but you know what it means to have/want a rainbow baby. For those of you who don't know, there are three different "types" of babies after a death of a child. You may have what they call a sunshine baby/child, maybe even more than one. For us we had two sunshine children when Justin was called home. A sunshine baby/child is "a baby conceived before a family is struck by loss. A baby conceived before devastation has held a place in a family's heart and their symbol of love, before they knew anything about shattered dreams." These children give you a reason to get up in the morning after tragedy, these children are your sunshine everyday, the only ones who can make you laugh when you didn't know you were even able to anymore. They are special children for sure, and I am so blessed to have had Riley and Jacob to help me through after Justin passed away. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTtlUU71D31N-biij1sLuwvLyu6pQEB22IfqqPd11EM2LZ385-JHdf-K_T3nhWYVL1z3_LtOuqRqmI3Y2MQ11BW5rimWgwzjk7YWTwO6bTn7LRzRr7JT5rJhKTNhBCYkWOaT7-4DWnzU/s1600/AngelBaby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTtlUU71D31N-biij1sLuwvLyu6pQEB22IfqqPd11EM2LZ385-JHdf-K_T3nhWYVL1z3_LtOuqRqmI3Y2MQ11BW5rimWgwzjk7YWTwO6bTn7LRzRr7JT5rJhKTNhBCYkWOaT7-4DWnzU/s200/AngelBaby.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then you have your angel baby, I'm sure we all know what this is. This is that very special little baby that did their work on earth, (or in the womb) so quickly that God had special plans for them in heaven and called them home; leaving everyone who loved them with a whole in their hearts that will only be filled once you get to heaven. These babies teach you something, they make you grow, they change you. These are forever babies. It's hard to imagine them growing up in heaven when you can't witness it for yourself. These babies are special and God knew that too. I can't even begin to imagine the joy they brought to the angels when they flew them up to heaven on their wings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2QfAceZCWy0ocSn4xkrmgjjji61Xv2nyovS-8i74wnLkQ7JpbUmWl2ESWUpnxbgXfnwXPwy0EAEw4N07rVi-16ILwEC-tDhLeDoASAA1muM-29A37YhRi5_7UCV_oPhXFbgJKAi8LPRU/s1600/rainbow+babe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2QfAceZCWy0ocSn4xkrmgjjji61Xv2nyovS-8i74wnLkQ7JpbUmWl2ESWUpnxbgXfnwXPwy0EAEw4N07rVi-16ILwEC-tDhLeDoASAA1muM-29A37YhRi5_7UCV_oPhXFbgJKAi8LPRU/s1600/rainbow+babe.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And finally you have what we call a rainbow baby. a rainbow baby is a baby that comes after the storm of having another one of your children being called home. A rainbow baby "is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our family was blessed with a rainbow baby, we named her Hannah Grace. I know that I have written blogs about her before, around the time of her birth. Our little rainbow baby isn't so much a baby anymore. She is a 2 year old spunky red head. God really broke the mold with her and she is the epitome of a rainbow. That girl brings so much color into our lives, and even just looking at her she is full of color, spirit, and hope. I watched as she walked with her brothers down the driveway a ways today and thought, "boy, that girl just radiates color!" With her bright red hair, that seems to glow red hot in the sunlight, and her pretty big blue eyes, she is just a world of color in her tiny little self. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFYfTdfGQP6bPpgapwitfmDahbKS1rc39nZQDTKQnzuJLs_kKuqnyCkh0qjyBMpgwm_fvcZR5JlwspmqFTdnKX2cQmSd7E6Pc8Z3czg5ydCgymMwD2QLuQTQfq25dLXsBXuXrUwkSK_iw/s1600/DSC_7623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFYfTdfGQP6bPpgapwitfmDahbKS1rc39nZQDTKQnzuJLs_kKuqnyCkh0qjyBMpgwm_fvcZR5JlwspmqFTdnKX2cQmSd7E6Pc8Z3czg5ydCgymMwD2QLuQTQfq25dLXsBXuXrUwkSK_iw/s320/DSC_7623.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her personality is anything but dull as well and she gives us a run for our money everyday!!! I'll be honest she is a spitfire and most of the time outwits both Ryan and I. She knows how to work my phone better than I do, she already seems to have an attitude of her mother (times 10) and can whip her brothers into shape with just a look, (sometimes she throws a nice high pitched scream in there for fun). This girl is amazing!! She is a spice and she is sugar, she is crazy and calm. She is everything. I am so very, very blessed to be her momma, and I am so very, very, thankful for my hot tempered little redhead that is a ray of sunshine, an angel, and rainbow, all mixed with a little bit of spunk, sass, and down right attitude. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGnPCc70nlf5Tk756TxdQGL4OtVFk6sTMo3Re4MhTWWEi727hwKup4RVrF6x-0qE2-htGADQjfidFMOXG_5AIUSI_hvXZyipcNbuUqFZWsIZ2If-r3GZImys9YgLoXIJqgGEyb7EN4xmM/s1600/DSC_7809-Recovered+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGnPCc70nlf5Tk756TxdQGL4OtVFk6sTMo3Re4MhTWWEi727hwKup4RVrF6x-0qE2-htGADQjfidFMOXG_5AIUSI_hvXZyipcNbuUqFZWsIZ2If-r3GZImys9YgLoXIJqgGEyb7EN4xmM/s320/DSC_7809-Recovered+2.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy1uIdUajPKXlriq6cw3hAncs9_cr8NZ0BTahCQCy24CnbOaOIvfU79e_ZJaTQzoWpPLiaayTqO67vlZDAaw4zerjD0Ft-7CH8y4ec5NnARmLrbhMUs9HkHIfq98wqKiQS4RnB9fLR6dQ/s1600/pop.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy1uIdUajPKXlriq6cw3hAncs9_cr8NZ0BTahCQCy24CnbOaOIvfU79e_ZJaTQzoWpPLiaayTqO67vlZDAaw4zerjD0Ft-7CH8y4ec5NnARmLrbhMUs9HkHIfq98wqKiQS4RnB9fLR6dQ/s1600/pop.png" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do I know she is a gift from Jesus himself? At just a year old, when she could say very few words we happened to walk by the Prince of Peace picture I have hanging in our hallway. As we walked by she pointed right at that picture and said, "Jesus" with a big smile and leaned in to give the picture a kiss that was just at the right height to do it, since I was holding her. I was stunned, and had to ask her again to make sure I heard her clearly. Yep, that is what she said, and to this day, a year later she still stops at the picture points to Jesus with a smile and says His name, and He knows hers. If you have a little one of your own, try it. Show them the Prince of Peace picture, see if they know who he is; it may just surprise you. :) You will hear a lot more of our Hannah Grace, our very own rainbow. </span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those of you still hoping, dreaming, and praying for you rainbow baby; keep the faith, keep praying, keep hoping, and I will pray for you too. God knows your name just as He knows Hannah's He knows the desires of your heart. God Bless you sweet momma's out there may God bless you with your own rainbow baby.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe1TlwaaLCP12kxuE2N2HO6LihNwwGjG2ACzO9hc86C4z3LnZEdzFYSt8c24S8VCteNc1ADkUryL066ffUJ5rYrq3soMuJdlpRZRMtKy5yoX8x89QHZ3l734uymSY8RZKdr3y8QTsmKGM/s1600/sleeping+baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe1TlwaaLCP12kxuE2N2HO6LihNwwGjG2ACzO9hc86C4z3LnZEdzFYSt8c24S8VCteNc1ADkUryL066ffUJ5rYrq3soMuJdlpRZRMtKy5yoX8x89QHZ3l734uymSY8RZKdr3y8QTsmKGM/s320/sleeping+baby.jpg" width="180" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is our little rainbow, just tonight. She was all tuckered out, keeping those older brothers in line is hard work!!!</span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-12181342106138790362015-05-20T19:08:00.001-05:002015-05-21T00:37:15.121-05:00Dream on<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm back!!! And if all goes as planned it is for good this time, (I know I hear God laughing too). :) Turns out there are very few of my plans that go according to....my plans. What I have learned from it all, however, is that I just need to keep dreamin' on. The past couple years have been a whirl wind; both good and bad. My family is stronger than ever, we have gone through some really bad times and some really good times. Sadly the bad times tend to try to outweigh the good ones in my own mind, and then I am reminded that all works out according to God's plans. So here I am. Let me fill you in a little of our past 2 years. I would like to say that our experience with Justin helped shape me, and prepare me to deal with what would lie ahead. <br />
<br />
I was offered a "dream" teaching job in a school where I did my student teaching. I thought for sure that leaving our newly purchased beautiful "dream" home was the right thing to do.(Turns out I dream a lot!) :) There have been times where I look back and think, "maybe not so much" but it has brought us more blessings and opportunities for sure.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ndM8LGZTZ2EtLHvzSlm0t59qqQ6CluptVeRdfqecWoJ8FOEXeXkLQk2qXrY_CIea1cEqgZneNw2auF-1j7Qt6DEb9QKjE8Pk5JGMgTR9_pYY-C1QToF5hiAA_gbqNjHmZ3nQRlu_jfw/s1600/39798-Dream-On-Dreamer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ndM8LGZTZ2EtLHvzSlm0t59qqQ6CluptVeRdfqecWoJ8FOEXeXkLQk2qXrY_CIea1cEqgZneNw2auF-1j7Qt6DEb9QKjE8Pk5JGMgTR9_pYY-C1QToF5hiAA_gbqNjHmZ3nQRlu_jfw/s400/39798-Dream-On-Dreamer.jpg" width="400" /></a>When I took this job, I thought that this is where God was calling us to be, that we would fit in, and live happily ever after in a small, close knit, community doing what I love, and living in yet again a very beautiful home, even if we don't own it. Turns out that was not our happily ever after. My first year of teaching went pretty well, with only one hard hit towards the end of the school year, and a miscarriage to boot. That is where this "dream" started fading and my "dream" career was no longer a dream of mine. I don't want to go into too many details as I want this post to be about speaking life not bitterness. I am not bitter about the way things went as it allowed me an amazing opportunity to homeschool my beautiful children. I have met some really great people that I love and cherish and I have met some other's that became lessons. I cannot say that I am thankful for every situation, but I had to go through them to learn from them. It also made me wake up and realize I still have the potential to dream on. <br />
<br />
Our son was taken out of a hard situation as well, and I know it all worked according to God's timing, even if I didn't think it was in tune with mine. Seems He always has a way of doing things better, I doubt Him, (because I'm not always a quick learner), and once I finally come to my senses and remember His promises, that is the time that He really shows off; and He has done that for us big time. I have to learn to quit doubting His grace, mercy, and love for me.<br />
<br />
My second year of teaching was anything but a dream, and I realize that that is not where my heart lies, nor is it where God wants me to be right now. I am grateful for the opportunity considering I went to school for it. Had I not been given the opportunity I would have spent my life wondering if I missed out on something. Don't get me wrong, I loved teaching, I love the children, but it is not the environment I am supposed to be in, and God knew that, as He always does. I think there was a time when I should have been a teacher, and I got that chance, I know I made a difference in a few children's lives, as they did mine; but my time for teaching is done and it is time to dream on onto something different. A dream where I can wear my heart on my sleeve, whether through a blog or through words, I didn't feel I could open up like I had in the past, and stopped writing completely, and endured yet another miscarriage. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghgVd0LcVzskg8nQ8l_O1v-2yT2hFMwtJyFQCyfQKrtpLj-7I_P1K8p8Qf1Z-NhKngUL-8MouKw04QM122gmItezLzpWEhByE3tq3tIlHyDufXtPOZcJT2h1QuiSVILJaNhSQcOmApvzk/s1600/with+words.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghgVd0LcVzskg8nQ8l_O1v-2yT2hFMwtJyFQCyfQKrtpLj-7I_P1K8p8Qf1Z-NhKngUL-8MouKw04QM122gmItezLzpWEhByE3tq3tIlHyDufXtPOZcJT2h1QuiSVILJaNhSQcOmApvzk/s320/with+words.jpg" width="213" /></a>We decided after I lost the job that it was time to move back to our dream house, find jobs there, take yet another leap of faith, and move back "home" to Iowa, (the land that I love). :) About a week before making it final Ryan was offered a job here we couldn't refuse. I was excited....and crushed. This is such an awesome opportunity for him, and yet we were once again in a place where we had to find a different dream, a brand new one in a place we weren't exactly welcome anymore, for situations out of our control. <br />
<br />
Then.....we found out we have to move. This really was a blessing. While we love our house we really need a change of scenery. We have a month and no prospects...oh gosh. Once again, my doubt and fear kicked in. Once again, I felt sorry for myself, why do we always have to struggle?! I may have screamed that to the heavens on more than one occasion when the kids weren't around. Then I was reminded of Philippians 1: 29-30 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have." and also Phil 4:4-7 "rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. <br />
<br />
The next day we found a place, a least a potential place, nothing is certain yet, but I am thankful, so very thankful that God allows me to stand on His promises even when I am shouting out in fear and anger and every emotion that doesn't come from Him, and He reminds me that it is His plan that needs to come to pass, it is not my world to conquer. He's got this as He always does, and I need to learn to quit doubting, getting angry, or fearing the unknown. He knows what He is doing. He made me a dreamer and I'm so thankful He did. I am still finding myself in this world, (that I don't need to conquer), and in the mean time I may lose some battles; but that's okay...I still dream on. <br />
<br />
Phil. 3:13-16<br />
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, ho are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQPIecqxZBOz6oBFlg2_It8XfOGiHAJRiBDRfk8gSrStJo8Y1lGPMpriKllVG0Kd3-4Gwou70x5jZrUYv1L8QKz4QYOJ875VYWxIUFky15ArYIk-umpTffqPr7pO9yPuqXYOxay6ZXBnw/s1600/DSC_8061.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQPIecqxZBOz6oBFlg2_It8XfOGiHAJRiBDRfk8gSrStJo8Y1lGPMpriKllVG0Kd3-4Gwou70x5jZrUYv1L8QKz4QYOJ875VYWxIUFky15ArYIk-umpTffqPr7pO9yPuqXYOxay6ZXBnw/s320/DSC_8061.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-87788677417141823782015-01-15T23:01:00.000-06:002015-01-16T00:01:29.403-06:00why your posts hurt SO much<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have stopped blogging for a long time for a couple of reasons, one of them being that we don't have WiFi at home so blogging on a tiny phone proves to be difficult, the other is I'm always worried about doing or saying something wrong. I've learned a lot from this experince. I'm never going to do or say just the right thing. If someone doesn't like you, others won't like you. It doesn't matter who you are or what your heart is, what matters is what others say. So, if that's the case, " Be who you are and say what you feel because those you mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." To quote the great Dr. Seuss.<br />
I noticed quite a few really hurtful things today. One was titled " one dead child two foolish parents" the thing is, this goes both ways. I have one dead child and Ryan and I were two foolish parents. The other was a doctor "so great" at giving a child shots. So the question is why does this get me fired up? Why can't I let it go? Here's why.<br />
<br />
I thought I was doing right by taking my child in for his wellness check ups, for getting him his shots. I was not the foolish parent, right?? Wrong! I held my screaming baby as they jabbed him with needles that we were told were to protect him. I did. I consoled him through the fever that was "normal". I did. I also woke up one morning to him not breathing. I did. I was one out of 5 who performed cpr. I did. I was the one praying and begging my son to wake up. I did. I wanted to see him look up at me one more time, I willed him to start breathing again. I did. I heard the dr. Say, "that's one sick baby". I did. I also heard the same dr. Tell me there was nothing he could do." I heard,"I'm sorry" I did. I left that hospital with empty arms and a guilty heart. I did. I picked out a baby casket. I did. I chose what blanket, what songs, what verses to share at his funeral. I did. I watched them put a 2 foot casket, that held my baby boy, in the ground. did!!! So why do your posts offend me? Because you didn't! And I pray to God no one else ever does. I heard "your child died from a brain hemorrhage caused by aluminum build up from the dtap" that I held him down for. I did. I held him. So the next time you post please keep my heart in mind. I do not blame myself I know it was out of my control, but it is still something I struggle with every day. I do. Next time you are mean to someone because a friend doesn't like them, remember their heart has already been through the wringer. Please remember.<br />
I also have one very healthy daughter who has never been held down and jabbed with aborted fetal tissue, aluminum, mercury,bovine serum, etc. I do. I have a healthy daughter who has been to the Dr twice and an antibiotic for two days once in her whole life. I do. I have three kids who haven't been sick enough to take to the dr. In over a year. I do. I have twin nephews free from poison who have never been sick. I do. Please remember not every laugh is joyful and not every tear is worthy of sympathy. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking for compassion. For consideration. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-32597112707786439432013-07-08T18:40:00.000-05:002013-07-08T18:49:11.659-05:00A Baby After SIDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've noticed on a lot of blogs that mother's stop writing after they have a baby; after they have had a baby pass away due to "SIDS". I swore I would not be one of those mothers; that I would keep writing, because I wanted to know. I wanted to know what it was like; but here I am; and I stopped writing blogs after Hannah was born. Life got busy! Life with three kids is not like life with two, so this blog is about life after "losing" a child.<br />
<br />
I hate saying that I "lost" a child. I did NOT "lose" a child. I know where Justin is; Justin is with his Maker, Justin is with us, Justin is here. Just because I cannot hold him, feel him, watch him, does not mean that he is not here or a part of our family; he is, and always will be. Life after Justin, however, is different. Life after having a baby pass away is different! It is hard, it is joyful, it is life; it just is. Life goes on; one way or another God makes life keep moving forward. <br />
<br />
Hannah is amazing. She is bright-eyed, she is beautiful. I see Justin in her; I see Jesus through her eyes. She is wonderful. Life after "SIDS" is scary. You don't sleep. You worry about everything! You are always on your toes! And with three little ones life is always, always, on the go! It's new jobs, it's a new house, it's a new baby, it's a new life, it's everything!!! And I wouldn't give her up for the world!!!<br />
<br />
I have learned a lot of new things with Hannah; like you don't have to take a baby to the doctor if they are not sick. You do not need vaccines; they are useless and dangerous, and YOU ABSOLUTELY, BEYOND ANYTHING ELSE, HAVE TO, HAVE TO, DO YOUR RESEARCH!!! If your child passed away due to "SIDS" or "SUID" go back and look at when they got their vaccines!! DO IT! <br />
<br />
Life after SIDS is hard, but it is amazing! I LOVE everything about every one of my children! I am more informed about what I feed them, what I do to them, how I live my life with them. Do not be scared of having another baby, it is a whole new world; an amazing life you never knew possible. Hannah is absolutely, without a doubt, worth every heartache I have ever been dealt. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7ODgSzPsel-rmCpgV638Fr5tl2w9sPHLMOhhTO1WFMCUuqbta6IESUCORWHHTwaTCJX0udff2F5bIqcsAphGDSBGdy6tRD-oEqH-Sc8Bg0wNt_iwA-errrIo3fOgKm-q3sdAai6GKPY/s1600/DSC_0302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7ODgSzPsel-rmCpgV638Fr5tl2w9sPHLMOhhTO1WFMCUuqbta6IESUCORWHHTwaTCJX0udff2F5bIqcsAphGDSBGdy6tRD-oEqH-Sc8Bg0wNt_iwA-errrIo3fOgKm-q3sdAai6GKPY/s320/DSC_0302.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-82790140785325394832013-07-01T13:45:00.002-05:002013-07-01T15:33:49.399-05:00Guide to Parenting<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I went to bed last night with a heavy heart. After seeing some posts from a few friends on Facebook about how sick their little ones have been since vaccinating I want to just scream through the screen! "Please, please listen to me! Don't let this happen to them!" I wish someone would have done that to me.<br />
<br />
I don't generally blame myself for what happened to Justin, but last night all I could think of were the "what ifs" what if I HAD done my research before hand, what if I hadn't taken him to the doctor that day and held him while the nurses jabbed a bunch of needles into him at the same time so "it wouldn't hurt as bad." What if I had listened to Riley when he told the doctor that the reason Justin wouldn't smile at him was because "he doesn't like you." I know that that is not a healthy way of thinking, but sometimes it just sneaks up on you. I watched a VERY informative movie last night, that I encourage EVERYONE to watch! It is called the Greater Good. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtejYbV20-A">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtejYbV20-A</a><br />
<br />
I know it was all part of God's plan, and I KNOW I have a healthy, happy, poison free daughter because of all of this.<br />
<div class="heading passage-class-0">
<h3>
Jeremiah 29:11</h3>
<div class="txt-sm">
New International Version (NIV)</div>
</div>
<div class="passage version-NIV result-text-style-normal text-html ">
<div class="left-1 child-first-line-1 top-05">
<span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>For I know the plans<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> I have for you,” declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, “plans to prosper<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.</span><br />
<span class="text Jer-29-11"></span><br />
<span class="text Jer-29-11"><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span> I don't mean to question His plan, and I don't think I am, more so I was questioning my own parenting. Sometimes, like most parents, I wish there was a Guide to Parenting Handbook; you know one that tells you what to do, including: </div>
</div>
<br />
When you get a puppy make sure your 3 year old knows that the washing machine ISN'T for cleaning dirty puppies.<br />
That plastic screwdrivers can and do cut through screens on windows and toddlers can and will climb out on the roof if left alone to clean their rooms for 15 minutes. <br />
Make sure you research anything and everything you inject into an infant or child.<br />
<br />
Just to name a few. <br />
<br />
I know that some of my friends think that I am pushy about vaccines, and I don't mean to be. I really, really, just don't want to see another parent go through what we have. I don't want another parent to go to bed with a heavy heart reliving the day they took their baby to the doctor, the day their child wouldn't stop screaming, the last time they got to snuggle with their baby, or the morning they found their child had gone to Heaven. <br />
<br />
I have realized that between May and August I struggle a LOT more than I think. One night while laying in bed, for the 4th night in a row not able to sleep and waking up every hour, that I in fact am scared of the dark. I am not scared of the monster under my bed or the boogie man in my closet, I'm not scared of ghosts or things that go bump in the night; I am scared of nighttime itself. What happens when I'm not awake, what happens in the still of the night, what happens when I let my guard down for a minute; because one night, I did just that; and one night something awful happened. And because of that one night, our world changed forever; we changed forever. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about that awful morning, or the snuggles the night before. <br />
<br />
So all you parents out there, please don't think I am being pushy; please, please, don't have an awful morning due to lack of knowledge. <br />
<br />
I found this song today after looking through some of the old comments, thank you Jamie for this!!! Here are the lyrics:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/oUsd7lkLd40?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
What is it like to be held in the same arms that hold the universe?<br />
<br />
What
is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and Earth?<br />
<br />
When
you open your eyes and look on the face of the giver of life, the author of
grace... Do you know?<br />
<br />
That your days here changed everything. You're
missed here and will always be. But you left here, the greatest gift of all.
Cause our hearts ache for home...<br />
<br />
What is it like to breathe in and
breath out, Heavens glorious life? What is it like to be robed in perfection, no
reason to cry?<br />
<br />
When you feel on your face your fathers kiss, His welcome
embrace we prayed for this. <br />
<br />
You should know...<br />
<br />
That your days
here changed everything. <br />
Your missed here and will always be<br />
But you left
here. The greatest gift of all.<br />
Cause our hearts ache for home...<br />
<br />
So
twinkle twinkle little star <br />
We will keep you in our hearts<br />
Twinkle
twinkle little star<br />
we will meet you where you are...<br />
<br />
Your days here
changed everything. Your missed here and will always be.<br />
But you left here...
The greatest gift of all...<br />
<br />
Cause our hearts ache....<br />
<br />
For
Home....</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-22419945542480693972013-04-29T02:15:00.000-05:002013-04-29T02:36:25.958-05:00Beautiful...even in shambles<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My 10 year high school reunion is coming up; I know I don't look a day over 18 right!? ;) With that; lets reflect on the last 10 years... oh boy! If you were to tell me at 17 that I would have to endure the heartbreak of losing a child, the martial issues Ryan and I have had, or that at one point I was so depressed that I took pills to just let "whatever happen, happen". I can't say as I would be here right now.<br />
<br />
But, tell me that I would have a child in heaven watching over my two amazing, curious, clever, creative little boys to love here on earth, and a beautiful, smart, adorable, little princess, with a husband that sees me through it all; that would have made it all better. Tell me that I would have any sort of relationship with my father, but a GREAT one at that; I might not have believed you. ;) <br />
<br />
I have a beautiful house, on the outside, on the inside, however, it is in shambles. The entire house is torn apart. We are painting, we are adding on to stairs, we are moving a kitchen from one room to another, we are making one room into two rooms and a bathroom, a kitchen into a den, a den into a living room, a living room into a bedroom...the list goes on and on, and if you were to step foot into our house right now you would think we are in way over our heads, (we are!) :) But much like my life; my house is in shambles to make it just that much more beautiful. The house was beautiful to begin with, once we make it a mess, screw everything up, and put it back together it is going to be glorious!! That is what Jesus is doing with me; I am sure. <br />
<br />
My life was okay; then it was in shambles; and He took me to make me, mold me, to transform me; and while the process was, (and remains to be, sometimes) brutal, I can't wait to see the finished product. He took a life to make it wonderful. My life right now is wonderful; while my house is in shambles I can envision what it will be when we are (finally) done. I couldn't see that when He was transforming me; but I'm glad He could. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Mkd6epIczRs?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
Life after losing a child is awful, and yet beautiful. You will never hear me say those words together in a sentence again; but I have to say, that because Justin passed away, I cherish everyday with the blessings that only Jesus could give me. I look at my children, and even if I am having an awful day, they do something clever, awesome, and beautiful; or my husband does something incredible; just out of the movies amazing. I look at Hannah, and realize what a blessing she is; I see Jesus through her bright, tiny eyes. I see His wonder, His glory, His work; I see Him. I see Him in my children, I see Him when my husband brings home flowers for no reason; I see Him when my dad comes to work on my house. Jesus surrounds me; He completes everything. Nothing is done, and yet He is making everything glorious even in the shambles. <br />
<br />
I continue to be so amazed with God's work in me and my family; everyday it is something new, everyday is BEAUTIFUL! And for that I thank you Lord Jesus for making life beautiful even in shambles. <br />
<br />
<div class="heading passage-class-0">
<h3>
Jeremiah 29:11</h3>
<div class="txt-sm">
New International Version (NIV)</div>
</div>
<div class="passage version-NIV result-text-style-normal text-html ">
<div class="left-1 child-first-line-1 top-05">
<span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>For I know the plans<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> I have for you,” declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, “plans to prosper<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-14339122467876146712013-03-17T23:08:00.000-05:002013-03-17T23:44:18.521-05:00New Blessings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am so sorry, I have been meaning to write a blog for so long! I will be honest part of me wanted to post about our newest little blessing but fear always stopped me. I was worried that as soon as I posted about how proud I am of her and how thankful I am that God gave me her, she would be taken as soon as I rejoiced about it. Although, I understand that no matter how much I worry; God has a plan for her, whether it is here on earth or in Heaven, He has a plan. I just pray, (hourly), that that plan means I get to keep her with me here on earth. So I will start by telling you about our newest little blessing here on earth. Hannah Grace Swick was born January 4, 2013 at 2:45AM 6lbs 10oz, (our biggest baby yet). I will also tell you she is FULLY UNVACCINATED!!!!!!!! She didn't get the goop in her eyes, she didn't get her Hep. B shot at birth (I do not, nor have I ever done drugs, or used needles for that matter, or would there be any reason that I would have Hep. B) they also test the mother's for that during pregnancy so there would be no reason for Hannah to have Hep. B or be treated for it. If you are a new mother.....RESEARCH IT! If there is no reason for your child to be infected with Hep. B, do not get them the shot. It is pointless! It is unneccessary. Okay...I'm off my soapbox about the Hep B. or the "goop" they put in their eyes, which is contracted if the mother has gonorrhea (once again, not a concern of mine). <br />
<br />
Hannah is one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever laid eyes on. She truly is a blessing; so sweet, so perfect, so sent from above. She is ever mother's dream. She is bright eyed, she is adorable, she is happy. She is ten weeks old, she smiles and coos, and makes every day bright! She really is everything I have ever hoped for; BUT with that I have to be absolutely honest. It is TERRIFYING to have another baby after having a baby accepted into heaven so prematurely for my liking. Hannah has slept through the night. In fact last night, she slept for 6 1/2 hours. Me on the other hand, slept for an hour at a time when I finally decided to just wake her up at 5:40AM. Every hour I was awake, I was touching her making sure she was breathing. I am consumed with fear. I hate to admit that especially outloud. I feel as though I might jinx myself. In Justin's Jesus I professed that I had quite frequently told people, "If God were to take one of my children He might as well take me too," If I said that then and laid my fears out for everyone (including the devil to know/hear), what makes this worry any different? Does the devil hear my fears also? If I say them outloud does that make me more susceptible? Does that mean that when I voice my fears the devil hears them and acts on them? I don't know. That's why I pray silently about my fears and worries. However, I have come to the point in my life, and in Hannah's, that I realize I just cannot be that overcome. I don't sleep, I over think, I make myself sick with worry; and it does no good for anybody. I try to give up my fears, but like I have said before that is easier said than done. <br />
<br />
I am working on it. I am so very very thankful for this new little blessing; and I ADORE AND CHERISH every moment I have with this beautiful little girl. She is amazing!!!!<br />
<br />
On to the next part....<br />
<br />
Heaven's new blessing. My grandmother had been suffering from dementia for the last 3 years. We were planning on going down to see her to get a four generation picture; then life got in the way. You know how it goes, especially in the winter; cold and flu season hits, you have newborn, your other kids are sick, the weather is awful, or you have family drama in the meantime. Excuses, excuses. We had finally set up a time to get down there; this weekend in fact, then I got a call: Granmda had fallen, (one week before our planned visit), she had broken her hip in 3 places, we might want to get down, as she was scheduled for surgery the next day and her 89 lb body just might not be able to take on that trauma. We left after Ryan got home from work the night she fell. We made it to Missouri at 1:30AM and decided it best not to just drive on to the hospital because grandma was already asleep. We found out later her surgery was scheduled for 7:30 the next morning. We got a call, said she made it through surgery just fine, but they just weren't sure she was going to be able to handle it, and she had about 15 minutes once they took out her oxygen source, and seeing as how we were still an hour and a half from the hospital, we might as well not come. We were not going to get our picture, and grandma would never be able to meet her newest great granddaughter. My little sister and I decided we were going to try anyway. She wasn't quite "gone" yet and we would drive as far as we could until we got the call. We later got a call saying that "grandma was holding on longer than they thought we should try to make it" of course we were already planning on that and Hannah was in her carseat ready to go. We got in the car, got gas, and went on our way; a little too distraught and too much in a hurry; we got on the interstate; my sister, my daughter, and myself. I was driving. I went to go pass a car; my mind on too many other things, and I didn't see a car in my blindspot. I got scared, over corrected, and swerved....ALL OVER THE INTERSTATE! We finally came to a stop, in the ditch, facing on coming traffic, with the driver in a panic. I about killed my daughter, my sister, and myself. One thing different, if there had been a car behind us, a semi beside us, a deeper ditch; or a revean, we would have been gone; but we weren't. My little sister, the whole 125 lbs that she is, pushed us out, drove us out, and within 5 minutes we were back on our way. We sure had some pretty amazing angels watching over us that day. Grandma sent them I'm sure. We made it to the hospital, me a little more frantic than I was when we left; and Grandma was able to hold Hannah exactly 30 minutes before she took her last breath. Heaven sure received their own little blessing that day. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuI6ddD1X6qPxZIVpmLvL0ygjcb4pgpmq964H9j6hNIGAPJlO9SZmU6r7iIWg9DT79GZ5ZZLRqRNVaSLfsn6FQJIZ0OMEgSf1AR-uGxe3OQl1HET4Xycbzek96ONor28dSG0blaP8zzrU/s1600/1+samuel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuI6ddD1X6qPxZIVpmLvL0ygjcb4pgpmq964H9j6hNIGAPJlO9SZmU6r7iIWg9DT79GZ5ZZLRqRNVaSLfsn6FQJIZ0OMEgSf1AR-uGxe3OQl1HET4Xycbzek96ONor28dSG0blaP8zzrU/s320/1+samuel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRj-Ct_EWbKCNAGpbVx0NO6RJzj0S1O47CBtV4dk_bA78Ynq3YUjl1DVUntz-mKqEP5idbxAyfJAQ7pecut0bra-HWyMH19kmWmBmSmRE_Ymyyy86qz8h0VmTyo9eG3xAPk2E-__enGN0/s1600/009+with+words.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRj-Ct_EWbKCNAGpbVx0NO6RJzj0S1O47CBtV4dk_bA78Ynq3YUjl1DVUntz-mKqEP5idbxAyfJAQ7pecut0bra-HWyMH19kmWmBmSmRE_Ymyyy86qz8h0VmTyo9eG3xAPk2E-__enGN0/s320/009+with+words.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgavv6UtDus5VasYKlMdpKSecJekxQgrV8UZ6aud8pdjdZMmQq-ChtIHVLV_qGPazCkyRPGvC42v5Ko7J2fw6cRJM7R5nJlhvMQh-kEkj72hU9ihfT9jgkKqcwokMpV2rKBvn_WPXECgPg/s1600/DSC03384.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgavv6UtDus5VasYKlMdpKSecJekxQgrV8UZ6aud8pdjdZMmQq-ChtIHVLV_qGPazCkyRPGvC42v5Ko7J2fw6cRJM7R5nJlhvMQh-kEkj72hU9ihfT9jgkKqcwokMpV2rKBvn_WPXECgPg/s320/DSC03384.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/hXyciEpWuAE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
So while I am so thankful for my blessing, and missing the blessing received into heaven; I am still so amazed at all the work God does in people's lives that He shares with us. Grandma I love you, you have been such an outstanding part of my life and I love you so much. Hannah, every day I am thankful for each breath you take, each smile you share with us, and each and everything about you. Thank you Lord!!! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-5980952224627201332012-12-05T19:47:00.000-06:002012-12-05T20:10:04.373-06:00Pregnancy after SIDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<strong>Matthew 6: 25-27 and 34</strong><br />
<strong><span class="text Matt-6-25"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum">25 </sup>“Therefore I tell you, do not worry<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23308B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?</span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-26" id="en-NIV-23309"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum">26 </sup>Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23309C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> Are you not much more valuable than they?<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23309D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span></span> <span class="text Matt-6-27" id="en-NIV-23310"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum">27 </sup>Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life<sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-23310a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6%3A25-27&version=NIV#fen-NIV-23310a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup>?</span></span></strong><br />
<span class="text Matt-6-27"><span class="woj"><span class="text Matt-6-34" id="en-NIV-23317"><span class="woj"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup>34 </sup></span>Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.</strong></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
When we first decided not to continue with birth control and leave our future up to the Lord instead, I will be honest, it was a little frightening. I wanted to know how other families felt when they made that choice, what the pregnancy was like, how they handled it both before and after the baby was born...and sadly Google just can't answer all of those questions; in fact no one knows how it will affect them until they are in that place themselves. <br />
<br />
I will be the first to admit pregnancy after SIDS is a whole new ballgame. It comes with its own fears, its own joys, it is a whole new experience. While we were so excited to find out that we were blessed with another little one it is down right scary, and too many times I have given into fear. I know it is all in God's hands, either way, but there is always that uneasy feeling in the back of my mind and in the pit of my stomach....what if??? <br />
<br />
What if I don't feel the baby kick for an hour....well that question was answered last night....I panic, I cry, I think the worst. We had a dr. appointment today, when I told the nurse she asked me if it was my first child, LOL. Yes I was acting like a first time mom, like I had no clue what to expect. The baby started kicking, reassuring me that all was okay; thank the Lord. I need to stop doubting Him. <br />
<br />
We only have a few weeks left until our scheduled c-section and I feel myself becoming more and more cautious and worried about everything. I knew it was bound to happen. How are we going to sleep? What if our worst nightmare happens again...what if, what if, what if. I am reminded that I do not know what tomorrow holds, but thank the Lord, I know The One who holds tomorrow. He has it under control, He knows my fears, He knows my heart, He knows my tomorrow; and He will hold me through all of it. <br />
<br />
So for those of you contemplating a baby after SIDS please know that it will always come with its own fears, but know that worrying isn't going to help you find the joy in that new little blessing, but take it away. The Lord says, "do not fear for I am the Lord your God." I am still learning this, obviously, worrying is not going to make tomorrow better, but take away my joy in today. <br />
<br />
For all of my prayer warriors, please keep us in your prayers these next few weeks, that the Lord will hold us up, take away our fears and replace it with hope, faith, and joy. That this little one doesn't get too excited about his or her arrival and stays kickin' away in womb until January 18th...this may be a stretch as all of our children have gotten a little too anxious about joining the world. Please pray for no NICU stays, for a healthy baby; for sleep, comfort, and peace; as we will be praying for all the other mommy's and daddy's out there dealing with fears of their own. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/2n3iLXHzX9k?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
I hope this blog finds you all well, and that you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-13610488632982684742012-07-31T17:29:00.001-05:002012-07-31T18:09:04.842-05:00Thank You Lord For Justin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As August 11th approaches I have been praying that the Lord will cover us
with his feathers these next couple of weeks. I know that they are going to be
a challenge and something I couldn't get through if I relied on my strength
alone. I also know that He has carried us this far, and that He won't let us
down now. Sometimes though I give into the fear that I will not be able to
handle that day, and dread its arrival.<br />
Ryan and I talked about it the other night. What do you do? Can you live the
day like it is just another ordinary day, knowing that it's not? And would that
be okay to do? Do you give in and stay in bed all day? How could I make that
work with the boys? Is it going to be as hard as what I expect it to be? <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiliKJlRNllcKA6vBpSiP2fGk7wLBJwRUn6eYCeIsop0RWrrVO0HNZUdvb-hJ9MS1QX4qZtdICogHpf3HxregJFNVnl93IV0C2UA0e75_9Q4xfI3_VAsHvD5JKERTPQzKuZ-7Sc5urlAdk/s1600/DSC_0312_00.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiliKJlRNllcKA6vBpSiP2fGk7wLBJwRUn6eYCeIsop0RWrrVO0HNZUdvb-hJ9MS1QX4qZtdICogHpf3HxregJFNVnl93IV0C2UA0e75_9Q4xfI3_VAsHvD5JKERTPQzKuZ-7Sc5urlAdk/s200/DSC_0312_00.jpg" width="133" /></a>One night as I was praying for the strength and courage to get through these
weeks and thought about what I expected from that day, the heartbreak, the
pain, the realization that it's been a year... I was reminded that I am
focusing on all the wrong things. I am worrying; and I shouldn't. I am fearful,
and I shouldn't be. I am focusing on the pain that may come with a day that
isn't even here yet. Instead I should be focusing on being thankful, thankful
for all the happiness and joy that came with Justin. I shouldn't associate
Justin with pain and heartbreak, but with happiness and jubilation instead. Why
was I not doing that? It was time to change my perspective on things. I needed
that reminder. No more feeling sorry and sad. It's time to list happy thought
and praises of thanks. So that is just what I'm going to do starting now. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizb2TeO6MA9EvhQrmAeY3CxQB7d7OrGMz2i50B_xWO1KmyUZznaf7w_6bVmnDPSFxwy7JiMr0-gTnA9jjZJ5bcLaZ0VKVSbhIpxYOm20LpMn6GVgWqAYspxQw8MR9inFYB394AOLN2Do0/s1600/DSC03958.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizb2TeO6MA9EvhQrmAeY3CxQB7d7OrGMz2i50B_xWO1KmyUZznaf7w_6bVmnDPSFxwy7JiMr0-gTnA9jjZJ5bcLaZ0VKVSbhIpxYOm20LpMn6GVgWqAYspxQw8MR9inFYB394AOLN2Do0/s200/DSC03958.JPG" width="200" /></a><br />
Thank you Lord for Justin.<br />
Thank you for 89 days.<br />
Thank you for soft hair, and baby soft skin.<br />
Thank you for the baby smell.<br />
Thank you for his smile, and for letting me witness it.<br />
Thank you for his giggle, what music that was to my ears.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgolJ8rI98MjGHdTSBfoyuTy-IvAd7Yu8jYNGWpK_ld2pVLchRdHDjVcx4HX4KPtqQWhLTQBzimck_pW4VZitJd6TKXdfVlm6ukn1huJcvYDc6ZvI4zIagLbzHggOqGDKWAKxwCAwTvGQ/s1600/DSC03706.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgolJ8rI98MjGHdTSBfoyuTy-IvAd7Yu8jYNGWpK_ld2pVLchRdHDjVcx4HX4KPtqQWhLTQBzimck_pW4VZitJd6TKXdfVlm6ukn1huJcvYDc6ZvI4zIagLbzHggOqGDKWAKxwCAwTvGQ/s200/DSC03706.JPG" width="200" /></a>Thank you for making him fuss every time we put him down, this made us hold
him more. <br />
Thank you for snuggles.<br />
Thank you for making him a mommy's boy.<br />
Thank you for allowing his older brothers to cherish him, love him, and be
proud of him.<br />
Thank you for a week alone with Justin.<br />
Thank you for letting us share a rainbow.<br />
Thank you for three car seats in the back of the explorer and for rearview
mirrors.<br />
Thank you for prayers, and for making sure just once that I prayed with
Justin not just for him.<br />
Thank you for lullabies. <br />
Thank you for "Jesus Loves Me"<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisD8VGDpBrk1wE1uULaETXevsXAq7HMHkXfOaZ1-TzeLnQx-jsW98lid8ZKhhXzsHHgSz39Iv-HNg1pS-Y6EY900qiQDrAFHn_fwB8XQ7_NN-c9pZutPmmi0DRyyUilEwK2vF9y1Io6PY/s1600/caitlin+and+justin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisD8VGDpBrk1wE1uULaETXevsXAq7HMHkXfOaZ1-TzeLnQx-jsW98lid8ZKhhXzsHHgSz39Iv-HNg1pS-Y6EY900qiQDrAFHn_fwB8XQ7_NN-c9pZutPmmi0DRyyUilEwK2vF9y1Io6PY/s200/caitlin+and+justin.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
Thank you for letting us take Justin camping.<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank you for letting us take rides together, go out to eat together, go on
walks together.<br />
Thank you for gentle reminders.<br />
Thank you Lord for allowing him to grow even if was only up to 12 lbs.<br />
Thank you for letting us watch him grow, some parent's don't get even that.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkbVijCYkYW8YNjdULY-eJyOFb3iorpuDIxO424wn-PigfWVik1Pm4ZfXzB2m-p81qk9rBfbQLfUTBwIpEgpkPKnZRHXR2bS1Vu1ePxflKpDXtPO7vOOQap_nO20z2e4QqOjd5IvXqlmI/s1600/family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkbVijCYkYW8YNjdULY-eJyOFb3iorpuDIxO424wn-PigfWVik1Pm4ZfXzB2m-p81qk9rBfbQLfUTBwIpEgpkPKnZRHXR2bS1Vu1ePxflKpDXtPO7vOOQap_nO20z2e4QqOjd5IvXqlmI/s200/family.jpg" width="132" /></a>Thank you for allowing us to use this test as a testimony.<br />
Thank you for answers we didn't know we needed.<br />
Thank you for perfect timing.<br />
Thank you for family pictures.<br />
Thank you for allowing us to grow in our faith.<br />
Thank you for Justin's Jesus.<br />
Thank you for photographs from Heaven.<br />
Thank you for peace that surpasses all understanding. <br />
Thank you for covering us with your feathers.<br />
Thank you for allowing us to grow as a family. <br />
<br />
"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4<br />
<br />
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in
spirit." Psalm 34:18<br />
"Do not be anxious about anything, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29449A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29449B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> <span class="text Phil-4-7" id="en-NIV-29450"><sup class="versenum"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">7 </span></strong></sup>And the peace of God, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29450C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> which transcends all understanding, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29450D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7</span><br />
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-20833835426426699252012-07-06T18:09:00.003-05:002012-07-06T18:16:57.365-05:00Alone time with Justin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I feel like all I post about any more are the awful feelings that come with having a child in heaven, and less on the hope of having a child resting peacefully in the arms of Jesus. I wish I could write a hopeful post right now, but I can't; maybe after August. <br />
<br />
No one has ever told me I need to "get over" Justin's passing, and I honestly don't think there is anyone out there who would; but for some reason sometimes I feel like I should be. That it's been almost a year and I shouldn't talk about it as much, or burden people with my pain, and if that is what I am doing I'm sorry. But I'm not over it, sometimes the pain can be worse now that it was before. Somedays are good, other days I'm numb, somedays are bad, that's just life I guess. I know that most of it really is just the fact that a year is coming up and we are living the months this year that we had Justin with us last year. Those short 2 months and 28 days.<br />
<br />
This week has been...different. Last year the boys went to stay with Ryan's family for a week in the summer, I got to spend every day alone with Justin. When Ryan got home from work we would go on drives, go out to eat, go on walks...just the three of us. For one week our world revolved around only Justin. I believe Justin passed away the next week, maybe it was two weeks. This week the boys are staying with Ryan's family for a few days, like last summer. The only thing different is I don't have Justin to spend time with. I can't cherish time with just him. I can't talk to him on random trips to Wal-Mart, (It seems I ran more errands when it was just me and Justin, sometimes 3 little boys were a little too much to handle by myself in Wal-Mart, so I avoided it at all costs!) I can't look in my rearview mirror and see his carrier in the middle, I can't reach back and give him his binkie, I can't get out of the car and pick him up, so many things I took for granted that week. How many more kisses would I have given him? How much more time would I have spent just snuggling him? I really would have snuggled him forever if I was given the chance. <br />
<br />
I had never thought about going to Justin's grave, but as I was coming back from Iowa Falls for the second time today, a song came on the radio. I know the song, I love the song, and I probably have referenced it in a prior blog. I was getting ready to turn down the road to our house when the song came on the radio, "<span class="line line-s hover" id="line_1">To everyone who's lost someone they love l</span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_2">ong before it was their time y</span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_3">ou feel like the days you had were not enough w</span><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_4">hen you said goodbye. </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_5">And to all of the people with burdens and pains k</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_6">eepin' you back from your life y</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_7">ou believe that there's nothing a</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_8">nd there is no one who can make it right"...music has always been theraputic to me, sometimes I just need other peoples words to give me a little bit of hope. I decided not to take my turn but to just keep driving instead. It took me about 20 seconds to realize I had the chance to go to the cemetery by myself for the first time, and I was already heading that way. I sat at Justin's grave by myself, for probably twenty minutes, just talking to him, crying for myself, and wishing that instead of visting him at the cemetery he would have been in the back of the explorer in his carseat. Usually when we go to the cemetery, I don't necessarily feel "close" to Justin; he's not there. But this time for some reason I thought about when we laid him into the ground, I thought about the outfit we put him in, I thought about carrying him in my womb, I thought about ultrasounds showing a perfect baby, the day he was born, holding him in my arms, and just thinking that that baby I held in my arms, was now buried in a cemetery, that perfect body. I know that he is not there, and that it was just flesh that was buried, but that doesn't always make it easier to bear. That body, I gave birth to, that body I bathed, that body I snuggled, that body was my baby. While that was hard, it was also really nice to be able to just sit with him a little while. Spend sometime alone at his grave. Usually the boys are with me, and they don't like to see me cry, this time I didn't have worry about it. And even though it is 100+ degrees outside, under the shade tree where Justin's grave lies, it was actually pretty comfortable, so I could just sit with him. It's not how I would have liked to spend time with him, but if that's all I get for now, I'm glad I am given the chance to have him so close. So while it's not quite like last year, I still got some alone time with Justin. </span><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VeGNgBwPTMA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><span class="line line-s"></span><br />
<span class="line line-s">I didn't want to find beauty in today. I didn't want to think about God's grace, and I didn't want to count my blessings. I wanted to cry. I wanted to let myself hurt, and I did. I wanted to wonder why for a minute. I wanted to give in to all of the awful things just once. I wanted to know why there is this kind of pain, why do we have to have this kind of pain; and though I would NEVER wish it upon any other mommy or daddy, I wanted to wonder for just a minute why it had to be us. Wondering why there are others out there just like us, why couldn't we be like them and keep all of our children with us? I try really hard not to let myself sink into that type of mindset, but today I just didn't have the strength to push those thoughts away, I wanted to cry. I got my Bible out and started reading, the verses I came across were Psalm 39:4-5 "Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered--You have made my life no longer than the width of mmy hand. My entie lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath." Reminding me that our time is a mere blip on a screen, though it seems so long since we have seen Justin or held him in our arms, and it seems so long before we will get the chance again, we are not seeing the whole picture. Our time is not God's time, we are not living in eternity; it is not that long; it is just a breath, just a moment. I also ran across the parable of the workers in the vineyard. Matthew 20:1-16. I thought about this all day. Why did I ever think that I had the right to be jealous? Why would I let myself go there? But I did, and I wanted to, but at the same time, I needed the Lord to remind me of these words as well. I needed Him to help me stop feeling sorry for myself; not that I won't do it again, not that the pain stops just because I read those words, but it did help me think a little bit.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="line line-s">This time in our lives, is so new to us. I see it in Ryan too, the pain is over whelming him, and the suffering is intense. I don't know how to reach out to him any more than he knows how to reach out to me. We try not to share our pain with each other, because ultimately it just makes us hurt for each other, on top of already hurting for ourselves. I am so thankful for the blog, for being able to have some where to let things out, and for the support from all of the readers. And if I could be so bold to ask you all if you could send up a little pray for our family tonight, for strength, hope, and healing we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you, and for all of you that are hurting we pray for you as well. May God carry us through this difficult time in our lives. God Bless You! </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-76244239723200237712012-06-28T07:27:00.000-05:002012-06-28T20:32:28.262-05:00Informed and Educated<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
*THIS POSTING IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND, TO BLAME, OR TO START AN UPROAR; RATHER TO SHARE WITH YOU OUR RESEARCH AND FINDINGS, AND TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH ON THIS TOPIC*<br />
<br />
I just heard of a little one who passed away, and while that is heartbreaking enough in itself; what is even more heartbreaking and disturbing to me is the fact that this baby had just received her four month shots earlier that morning. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilE2qDRVZhDaJlpSrGaihtRdBrOzO2ncoRFIv8xZu2ns7tXWB48kb-LdSkq8m73_-REotEcXrd-YfPw6uOgC40fgqXuh0e2ZK6OhukBE9PPEQO2OXoeoakZ-T1BTYqQOF_gLvzBYVoecs/s1600/vaccine+schedule.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilE2qDRVZhDaJlpSrGaihtRdBrOzO2ncoRFIv8xZu2ns7tXWB48kb-LdSkq8m73_-REotEcXrd-YfPw6uOgC40fgqXuh0e2ZK6OhukBE9PPEQO2OXoeoakZ-T1BTYqQOF_gLvzBYVoecs/s640/vaccine+schedule.jpg" width="428" /></a>As a year is quickly approaching this hits home, HARD. I have posted before that I am at peace with Justin's passing, and that has not changed. I also whole-heartedly believe that God has a plan and purpose for everything, and that His timing is immaculate. I was NOT looking for answers to what caused Justin's death, and I still am not. I just "happened" to stumble across, (a God thing) the correlation between SIDS/SUID and vaccines one day, and also had recently been given people in my life that knew far more about this than I ever knew they did. When I found out this information was not an accident, God doesn't make those, but it was His percise timing. This information was presented to me when and exactly the way it should have been, at a time when I could handle it, do something with it, and at a time in my life when my faith and peace could not be shaken. The Lord shows me in so many ways how Justin, his story, his life, and even his passing has had such a profound impact and purpose on so many things, and so many people. I do feel that part of that purpose, and part of me "stumbling" across certain information was so that I could bring it to other's attention as well. Some may be offended by my research, and others will be thankful for it. <br />
<br />
I ask that no one just believes what I say, but to research the information themselves, and make a decision that is best for them; but with that I also hope that they do not just believe what other "educated" people say either, and once again take the time to look into it themselves, and make their own choices in this matter. I am "educated" in elementary education, however does that mean that I am a better teacher than a mother who home-schools her children, but does not have a paper that says she is "educated" in this field? Not at all. It means that I have read the books, taken the classes, and used the curriculum handed to me. In all honestly, that curriculum tells me exactly what to say and when to say it, but in order to be a great teacher, I would still have to know my students, their strengths, their weaknesses, and take opportunities to further their education and embrace the teachable moments even if they are not scripted for me. I feel that it is necessary in every profession, to go beyond the education provided in a classroom and in textbooks. <br />
<br />
We can be told what to say, how to say it, what to do, and how to do it; but if we do not take the time to research why we are doing it and what/whom it benefits, (or hurts), we are not fully educated; and are robbing ourselves of vital information, necessary to grow in our profession. With that said, here are my findings, explanations, research, and where I started with this information. <br />
<br />
I do not blame the doctor or the nurse that administered the vaccines, nor do I blame myself for not looking further in to the vaccines before getting my children vaccinated; I do however, hope that with this information other's will take the time to educate themselves as well. I am sure I am going to have quite a few nasty comments on this blog, and that is okay, all I ask is that you keep your comments clean. If you do not like my research or my findings, that is also okay, and by no means do you need to read any further. For those of you that are interested, I hope this information is beneficial to you. <br />
<br />
I understand that the benefits vs. the risks factor need to be taken into consideration while making a decision on this topic; that is why we have done so much research. I also am fully aware that there are risks to everything from driving to swimming, however, I am not going to text, drink coffee, and change the radio station all at the same time, while driving, just to increase my risks of getting into an accident; nor will I put floaty wings on my children and place them in the "deep end" of the pool just to see if they will work well enough to hold their head above water, to test out the risk factor. Just to drive the point home, here is a quote from Dr. J Anthony Morris, "<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is a great deal of evidence to prove that immunization of children does more </span></span></i><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">harm than good." </span></span></i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dr J Anthony Morris, former Chief Vaccine Control Officer and research virologist, US FDA<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<br />
The main things that I have heard from pro-vaccine individuals is that it is proven that vaccines have had a substantial impact on the decline of deadly diseases and outbreaks, the truth behind that is in our research. The diseases were already on a massive decline; graphs below. Another is that whooping cough is an epidemic outbreak that needs to be handled immediately through vaccines, however they have never been proven to work as intended, and most children who have contracted the illness, had been vaccinated for it. I also hear a lot of talk about money being behind all of it, (generally from people disputing this fact) I am not saying anything about money, I never have. I have not done any research on the monetary value of vaccines, therefore I will not pretend that I know anything about it; money is not my focus when it comes to vaccine research. One more thing, the CDC(Center for Disease Control) actually has a compensation program for families who have been affected by adverse reactions to vaccines...meaning...they PAY people for vaccine injuries. If vaccines are not dangerous what is the need for, and why do we have a program to pay for the injuries they have caused? Just a little food for thought. <span style="color: #555555; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act</span></strong> (NCVIA) of 1986 (42 U.S.C. §§ 300aa-1 to 300aa-34) was enacted in the United States to reduce the potential financial liability of vaccine makers due to vaccine injury claims. The legislation was aimed at ensuring a stable market supply, and to provide cost-effective arbitration for vaccine injury claims. Under the NCVIA, the <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program</span></strong> (NVICP) was created to provide a federal no-fault system for compensating vaccine-related injuries or <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">DEATH</span></strong>by establishing a claim procedure involving the United States Court of Federal Claims and special masters<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This information comes to you from concerned and educated
parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our son Justin Ryker Swick
passed away on August 11, 2011; and some recent research and acquired knowledge
have led us to some answers we were not expecting to receive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Justin had been administered his two month
vaccines on July 25, 2011, he passed away 16 days later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just a couple of days prior to Justin’s
passing he developed a cough, most likely induced by the DTaP vaccine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After recent study and research we are fully
convinced these vaccinations played a very major role in the passing of our
youngest son, and we will provide information to you that proves the chances of
this being true to be very great in numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are not blaming the doctor, the medical staff, or ourselves for not
doing this research prior, and believe that God has a plan for all of our lives
and trust in that plan and His timing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, we are sure you are unaware of the facts and the research, as
we could not imagine anyone administering such toxic substances into infants
knowing of the adverse effects that causes so many problems, and in a lot of cases,
such as ours; death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> After being presented with this information we went through our records, to find that both our older children also had extreme reactions to their vaccines at two-months of age. Our eldest son, was admitted to the E.R. with respitory problems, a high fever, and vomiting just shortly after receiving his two month shots. Our middle child was put on a nebulizer just a week after being given his, and then also developed a number of allergies. </span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://vran.org/wp-content/themes/vran/images/vran-banner-01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="117" id="il_fi" src="http://vran.org/wp-content/themes/vran/images/vran-banner-01.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are made to trust
doctors, as doctors trust the pharmaceutical companies that place these drugs
into the hands of doctors and nurses to administer to young children and
infants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of parents, like we once
did, believe that it is just “routine,” to take your child in for his/her two,
four, six month shots etc., that the doctors and pharmaceutical companies have
our children’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>best interest at
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While this may still be true,
there seems to be a lack of knowledge being presented to doctors, nurses, and
parents on this matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are out to
change that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We sincerely hope that in light of this new information you
will also take some time to do some research into these harmful, even fatal, toxins
that are being injected into the children around the U.S. and most importantly
in our community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These children are our
future and what we do to them and with them today will make the difference in
tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could have a future of
great doctors, nurses, and educators, if we show them how to research on their
own, not follow everything that is told to them, and show them that we are
there for them; with their well-being being first in our hearts and minds. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once again we are not out to place blame, as we too could
have, (and should have), done our own research on the matter of what we expose
our children to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing we can
do about Justin’s passing, he is safe in the arms of Jesus, and we have peace
with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We really would just like you
to <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">take
a few moments to see and read some of the information we found, as it may save
the life of another child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">
</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here
is a list of other doctors who have done their own research and gained insight
on the severity of the effects of vaccinating children, and a web address with
their information. These doctors are willing to stand up against poisoning our
youth, and are now anti-vaccine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope
you will join them. </span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mayer Eisenstein, MD, JD, MPH<br />
Suzanne Humphries, MD</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sherri Tenpenny, DO</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Alexander Kotok, MD, PhD<br />
Demetra Vagias, MD, ND<br />
Harold Buttram, MD<br />
Jayne Donegan, MBBS<br />
Juan Manuel Martinez Mendez, MD<br />
Kris Gaublomme, MD<br />
Robert Davidson, MD, PhD</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Nick Haas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> <span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">http://www.vaccinationcouncil.org/about/<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></o:p></span></b></div>
Picture from <a href="http://vran.org/">http://vran.org</a> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">SIDS
STUDIES:<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A
study published in the <i>Journal of the American Medical Association*</i>
found that children diagnosed with asthma (a respiratory ailment not unlike
SIDS) were five times more likely than not to have received pertussis
vaccine.(1) Another study found that babies die at a rate eight times greater
than normal within three days after getting a DTap shot.(2) The three primary
doses of DTaP are given at two months, four months, and six months. About 85
percent of SIDS cases occur at one through six months, with the peak incidence
at age two to four months. <o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a
recent scientific study of SIDS, episodes of apnea (cessation of breathing) and
hypopnea (abnormally shallow breathing) were measured before and after DTaP
vaccinations. "Cotwatch" (a precise breathing monitor) was used, and
the computer printouts it generated (in integrals of the weighted
apnea-hypopnea density -- WAHD) were analyzed. The data clearly shows that
vaccination caused an extraordinary increase in episodes where breathing either
nearly ceased or stopped completely. These episodes continued for months
following vaccinations. Dr. Viera Scheibner, the author of the study, concluded
that "vaccination is the single most prevalent and most preventable cause
of infant deaths."<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In another study of 103 children who died of SIDS, Dr. William
Torch, of the University of Nevada School of Medicine at Reno, found that more
than two-thirds had been vaccinated with DPT prior to death. Of these, 6.5
percent died within 12 hours of vaccination; 13 percent within 24 hours; 26
percent within three days; and 37, 61, and 70 percent within one, two, and
three weeks, respectively. He also found that SIDS frequencies have a
bimodal-peak occurrence at two and four months -- the same ages when initial
doses of DTap are administered to infants.(4)<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Excerpted from:<br />
</span></b><a href="http://vacbook.com/vac.htm"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">Vaccines: Are They Really Safe and
Effective?</span></span></a><b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
by Neil Z. Miller *all citations are recorded in the book<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.thinktwice.com/sids.htm"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.thinktwice.com/sids.htm</span></span></a><b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #555555; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act</span></strong> (NCVIA) of
1986 (42 U.S.C. §§ 300aa-1 to 300aa-34) was enacted in the United States to
reduce the potential financial liability of vaccine makers due to vaccine
injury claims. The legislation was aimed at ensuring a stable market supply,
and to provide cost-effective arbitration for vaccine injury claims. Under the
NCVIA, the <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">National
Vaccine Injury Compensation Program</span></strong> (NVICP) was created to
provide a federal no-fault system for compensating vaccine-related injuries or <strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">DEATH</span></strong>
by establishing a claim procedure involving the United States Court of Federal
Claims and special masters<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some
people find it suspicious that the peak incidence of SIDS occurs between 2-4
months, just when the first two series of shots are given. No explanation has
ever been given for why the rate is lower in the second month of life than in
the third through fifth. On the other hand, vaccine manufacturers attribute
this to ‘coincidence’ and the general consensus is that SIDS happens to peak at
2-4 months, which just happens to be when the first shots are given. Adding to
concerns is the fact that SIDS decreased to almost nothing following a
postponement of DTaP to age 2 years in the Japanese vaccination schedule, and
rose again when the vaccine was once again given starting at 2 months.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"Delay
of DPT immunization until 2 years of age in Japan has resulted in a dramatic
decline in adverse side effects. In the period of 1970-1974, when DPT
vaccination was begun at 3 to 5 months of age, the Japanese national
compensation system paid out claims for 57 permanent severe damage vaccine
cases, and 37 deaths. During the ensuing six year period 1975-1980, when DPT
injections were delayed to 24 months of age, severe reactions from the vaccine
were reduced to a total of eight with three deaths. This represents an 85 to 90
percent reduction in severe cases of damage and death. (Ref21)."---Raymond
Obomsawin, MD <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="http://www.whale.to/m/quotes17.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">http://www.whale.to/m/quotes17.html</span></span></a><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When infants die it is
extremely difficult to say that it was due to vaccine or any cause. So it is
usually labeled as SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Out of all of these 34
countries, the U.S. gives more doses of vaccine than any other country and it
has the highest mortality rate. They give 26 doses of vaccines when the study
was done (2009).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The lowest amount of
doses of vaccines given by these countries is 12 doses. Sweden, Japan, Iceland,
Finland, Norway and Denmark are all the countries giving 12 doses. Comparing
that to their IMR they rank 2nd lowest (Sweden), 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th and 18th
respectively. The chart shows how as the number of vaccine doses goes up, so does
the infant mortality rate. For the complete information on all the research
done on this go to
http://www.nvic.org/getdoc/a8091d95-aa9e-41d7-a34c-49079545226d/Infant-Mortality-study.aspx<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In case you want to choose to not get one of the vaccines here
is further information on the DPT, and yes even DTap vaccine
(diphtheria-pertussis-tetanus toxoid). They found that two-thirds of the babies
that died of SIDS had gotten the DPT vaccine. Of these, 6.5% died within 12
hours of vaccination; 13% within 24 hours; 26% within 3 days; 37% within a
week; 61% within 2 weeks and 70% within 3 weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 1979, Sweden
abandoned the whooping cough vaccine due to its ineffectiveness. Out of 5,140
cases in 1978, it was found that 84% had been vaccinated three times! (BMJ 283:696-697,
1981)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 1978, a survey of 30
States in the US revealed that more than half of the children who contracted
measles had been adequately vaccinated. (The People’s Doctor, Dr R Mendelsohn)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The ABC news said this
but it was in 2008 (Feb 29, 2008). That is 7 years after the CDC said that
thimerosal was not in any childhood vaccines:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At a town hall meeting
Friday in Texas, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., declared that "there’s strong
evidence" that thimerosal, a mercury-based preservative that was once in
many childhood vaccines, is responsible for the increased diagnoses of autism
in the U.S. — a position in stark contrast with the view of the medical
establishment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">McCain was responding to a
question from the mother of a boy with autism, who asked about a recent story
that the U.S. Court of Federal Claims and the National Vaccine Injury
Compensation Program had issued a judgment in favor of an unnamed child whose
family claimed regressive encephalopathy and symptoms of autism were caused by
thimerosal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dr Viera Scheibner,
retired Principal Research Scientist for the NSW [New South Wales] Government
with a doctorate in Natural Sciences, has published 3 books and some 90
scientific papers in refereed scientific journals in Australia and overseas
during her distinguished career.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">...the link between
vaccine injections and cot death became painfully obvious.<br />
<br />
"Following this finding, Dr Scheibner studied some 30,000 pages of medical
papers dealing with vaccination. She found no evidence that vaccines are safe
or effective. Vaccines are highly noxious. They contain formaldehyde, aluminium
phosphate, thiomersal (mercury compound), foreign proteins (antigens) and
contaminating animal proteins and viruses from the tissues used as growth
medium to culture the viral and bacterial components of vaccines. None of these
substances should ever be injected into human beings. They erode the immune
system and alter the immunological response to diseases.<br />
<br />
The appearance of many new, autoimmune diseases like asthma, affecting alarming
numbers of children, childhood leukaemia, and cancer, the enormous upsurge in
the incidence of cerebral palsy and infantile convulsions seen in children of
vaccination age and not before, should all be taken as serious warnings.
Infectious diseases contracted at the appropriate age and allowed to run their
course are beneficial because they serve to prime and mature the child's immune
system.<br />
<br />
The overwhelming evidence from the numerous human clinical and epidemiological
studies cited by Dr Scheibner demonstrates beyond any doubt the dangers and
ineffectiveness of <b>vaccinations</b> and her book is a most valuable
contribution towards exposing the myth of <b>vaccinations</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.2pt; margin: 0in 0in 9pt;">
<a href="http://chuck-bluestein.hubpages.com/hub/Do-Vaccines-Kill-Infants"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://chuck-bluestein.hubpages.com/hub/Do-Vaccines-Kill-Infants</span></span></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only
safe vaccine is a vaccine that’s never used.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dr
James A Shannon, US National Institutes of Health<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is a
great deal of evidence to prove that immunization of children does more</span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">harm than
good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dr
J Anthony Morris, former Chief Vaccine Control Officer and research virologist,
US FDA<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">VRAN knows of many cases of children
severely damaged or dead due to vaccinations.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the 1980’s, pediatrician, Robert
Mendelsohn, MD voiced his concern: “There is growing suspicion that </span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">immunization against relatively
harmless childhood diseases may be responsible for the dramatic increase in
autoimmune diseases since mass inoculations were introduced. These are fearful
diseases such as cancer, leukemia, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis,
Lou Gehrig’s disease, lupus erythematosus, and the Guillain-Barre syndrome.” Some
children experience no vaccine reaction but most do react. Mild, short-lived
effects like redness or swelling at the injection site are very common.
Reactions up to a few days or weeks after vaccination may include a temperature
of 38oC or higher, irritability, severe diarrhea and/or vomiting, excessive
sleepiness, periods of breathlessness during sleep<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(apnea), irregular heartbeat, swollen
joints, widespread rash, wheezing, collapse, high pitched screaming for several
hours, convulsions, bulges in the soft spots of the head and a severe change of
consciousness. These reactions may indicate that damage has been done or is
about to occur. In the case of anaphylaxis, the damage occurs immediately after
the shot, with little or no warning. Other possible damage that may not show
itself until days, weeks, months or years later includes: neurological illness
such as autism, learning and attention deficit disorders, hearing or visual
impairment and the epilepsy that Marina suffers; autoimmune diseases such as
insulin dependent diabetes, arthritic conditions and chronic fatigue syndrome;
allergies; and thyroid dysfunction.(1) An interesting statement is made in the
May 2001 monograph (package insert) for ‘Prevnar’ pneumococcal vaccine. It says
that in a study conducted between 1991 and 1998 in eleven pediatric centers
across Canada, “the proportion of<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">children with an underlying condition
increased with age, from 15.9% in those under 2 years of age to 30.4% in those 2-5
years of age, and to 44.5% in those over 5 years of age”. There has been great
consternation recently about a huge increase in autism and related disorders,
due, increasingly<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">more evidence is suggesting, to the
thimerosal in vaccines and/or autoimmune vaccine reactions or neurological
reactions that lead to demyelination, ie erosion of the protective covering of
nerve fibres which transmit messages. MMR and Hepatitis B vaccines are being
studied intensively for neuroimmune<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">effects. In 2002 the Vancouver law
firm, Klein Lyons, launched the first Canadian lawsuits regarding eurological damage
to children from thimerosal in DPT and Hepatitis B vaccines. At that time many
similar lawsuits had already been initiated in the USA. Anaphylaxis is an
adverse reaction to vaccination that is recognized by health authorities. Previously
unheard of life threatening allergies to things like peanuts are now an
everyday problem for schools and parents who must avoid even minute traces of
such allergens in an affected child’s lunches and those of classmates.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<a href="http://vran.org/wp-content/documents/VRAN-Vaccination-What-You-Need-To-Know.pdf"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://vran.org/wp-content/documents/VRAN-Vaccination-What-You-Need-To-Know.pdf</span></span></a><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><strong> </strong>For the vision is yet for an appointed time
and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint.
Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will
not be behindhand on its appointed day. <a href="http://bible.gospelcom.net/passage/?search=Habakkuk%202:%203;&version=45;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #635e76;">Habakkuk 2: 3</span></a></span></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"></span></o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;"><div align="justify" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 20px; margin-right: 20px;">
Thus says the Lord, In an acceptable and favorable time I have
heard and answered you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you; and I will
preserve you and give you for a covenant to the people, to raise up and
establish the land [from its present state of ruin] and to apportion and cause
them to inherit the desolate [moral wastes of heathenism, their] heritages. <a href="http://bible.gospelcom.net/passage/?search=Isaiah%2049:%208;&version=45;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #635e76;">Isaiah 49: 8</span></a></div>
<div align="justify" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 20px; margin-right: 20px;">
<br /></div>
<div align="justify" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 20px; margin-right: 20px;">
For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus,
[born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned
beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we
should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready
for us to live]. <a href="http://bible.gospelcom.net/passage/?search=Ephesians%202:%2010;&version=45;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #635e76;">Ephesians 2</span></a>:10</div>
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-19058246697148958002012-06-12T11:33:00.000-05:002012-06-12T11:57:59.937-05:00Being Punished?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I feel like I have retreated into my shell the past couple of weeks. I don't know if it was Justin's Memorial, or just the fact that we are living our first May-August, or the dread of the upcoming August 11th; maybe I'm just trying to not stress about anything with being newly pregnant; probably a little of everything. But all of a sudden I just didn't have anything to say....to anyone. I stopped calling people, stopped blogging, I was just kind of here, going through the motions. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFynqXCv0E8Vl1K_jvv8ZemT6Bq5y7E18lJjgtrwYq9QOLukAfLNiiFHWLV1PZ9A-mhdTU6toF9_fZ66HDIHLuYVplEaMOHEDS00jxZlxn8acKs2X5poJiIpFQzb0Kmsa-x_G45jNqrbg/s1600/gods_love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFynqXCv0E8Vl1K_jvv8ZemT6Bq5y7E18lJjgtrwYq9QOLukAfLNiiFHWLV1PZ9A-mhdTU6toF9_fZ66HDIHLuYVplEaMOHEDS00jxZlxn8acKs2X5poJiIpFQzb0Kmsa-x_G45jNqrbg/s320/gods_love.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
That sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is. If you run into me on the street, I'm not down and depressed. I am still enjoying my life, cherishing my children, spending quality time with my husband, and reveling in the fact that I have another little blessing growing inside me. It just seems that if you scratch the surface, even just a little, I am a little more melancholy and numb. <br />
<br />
I think I subconsciously decided that I was not going to think about anything painful for...the next couple of months, maybe? I don't know. I don't know if I was doing that because I thought the pain would be too great right now in May-August, or if it was because I didn't want to stress out the first few months of pregnancy. Either way I pushed all of those feelings down somewhere, believing that I could just suppress them for awhile, I guess. The funny thing about suppressing feelings though, is that the only thing that really does is makes you not think about the positive in situations. The negative thoughts are bound to pop up whether you like it or not, but because you are not "thinking" about things, you are not arming yourself with the positive thoughts to counteract those evil ones. <br />
<br />
All of a sudden I kept wondering if I was being punished for something; if that is why we couldn't keep our baby, when other's get to keep theirs. I'm not sure where this thought came from, (well I know exactly who placed the thought there,) but I don't remember ever thinking that before. And once again this sounds dramatic, and it really wasn't. It was just kind of in the back of my mind a few too many times that I was forced to acknowledge it's prescence. Which of course led to, "Did I do something really terrible to receive such a horrific punishment?" "Am I that awful of a person that I deserved this to happen?" "How did I make God <em>that</em> mad??"<br />
<br />
These were just thoughts invading my mind, I knew in my heart that my God is not like that. But because I had chosen not to "think" I wasn't prepared for those accusing thoughts, and just let them fester in my head. I don't think I realized quite how much it was affecting me until we were at church Sunday. As I looked at the bulletin and the outline of the church service I realized that the closing song happened to be, "Jesus Loves Me" and something hit me; all of a sudden I needed a little hope, a little light, a little <em>feeling</em> of some kind because I had become so numb lately.<br />
<br />
"Jesus Loves Me," always reminds me of Justin. I sang that song to the boys for the first time the night Justin passed away, we sang it at his funeral, and then again at his memorial. It is such an innocent song, with a lot of meaning. It is the epitome of a child's christian song, that I think sticks with you into your adult years. For me, singing "Jesus Loves Me," it takes me back to being a child and hearing, or realizing, for the first time that <em>JESUS LOVES <strong>ME</strong></em>. It's just an innocence that sticks with you.<br />
<br />
After seeing that song in the bulletin, I prayed that Pastor T.J's message would speak directly to me. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would work in a way just for me, open my mind, my heart, and my ears that I would be able and willing to listen to what I needed to hear from the Lord that day. Did you know that the Lord hears your prayers??? ;) <br />
<br />
Pastor T.J's message last Sunday was on the unconditional love that God has for us. That it is not what we do, or don't do, it's not what we say or don't say, it's nothing we have control over. God loves us the same...all the time...regardless. Are there things I can do or don't do that are pleasing to God? Sure! But it doesn't make Him<em> love me any more</em>. Are there things that I say or don't say that are not pleasing to Him, and even disappoint Him? Oh yes! But that doesn't make Him <em>love me any less</em>. He loves me the same today as He did the day I was born, the day Justin was born, the day Justin went to be with Him; nothing has changed that. I am not any better or any worse than anyone else. My sins are not less than or greater than the next mommy's. My life is not easier or harder than anyone elses. Every single one of us has had devasting heartbreaks and insurmountable joys. Some of us feel the heartbreak that comes with the passing of a child, others a parent, a sibling, or a spouse. Some of us it's bankruptcy, or the loss of a job, or a friend. Either way pain is pain. And every one of us has been dealt pain; but every one of us has experienced joy as well. Whether it is a new baby, a new love, a new job. There is joy. We are not being punished we are all just handed different circumstances in our lives to grow from and learn from, and handling it in the best way we know how.<br />
<br />
There <em>is</em> a way I am supposed to live my life, a set of rules I am told to follow, it is all there in the Good Book, but the Lord knows that it is not a matter of "if" I fail them, or even when I will falter. He knows that already, He forgives me, and it does not change the love He has for me.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGRxrncZpfXNsB4lfDuvp1ZbcHZzZVUwgilfftAG_fsUv5GTBE8EZyGLQ08kkQeweqpm1vIzRncHx1Sq_-4LhKzB9mMrjs4Vs4A2K4cuF3eH_EAMIGQbSuqPOUrbJwoNWVGAyuYv79ZYY/s1600/romans8_1-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGRxrncZpfXNsB4lfDuvp1ZbcHZzZVUwgilfftAG_fsUv5GTBE8EZyGLQ08kkQeweqpm1vIzRncHx1Sq_-4LhKzB9mMrjs4Vs4A2K4cuF3eH_EAMIGQbSuqPOUrbJwoNWVGAyuYv79ZYY/s400/romans8_1-2.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
I am not being punished. If I were punished in the way I deserve for all of my sins, I would have taken that beating on the Cross, and not be gauranteed a home in Heaven, but the Lord saved me from that. I am not being punished because Jesus took the beating on the cross. He died so that I would not be punished. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1) "Because of the sacrifice of Christ, God sees only
the righteousness of Christ when He looks at us. Our sin has been nailed to the
cross with Jesus, and we will never be punished for it." This is just all part of a plan that is so much bigger than my own. I am not punished I am blessed. I am blessed everyday that I wake up healthy, with happy, healthy, beautiful family, my children, my husband, my family and friends, food on the table, a roof over our heads, and clothes to wear. I am blessed. <br />
<br />
Ephesians 2:8<br />
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-20148697734556400982012-05-29T10:53:00.000-05:002012-05-29T11:22:34.923-05:00Little Blessings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When we found our we were pregnant with Justin we decided to not to let everyone know for a few months. Looking back on it now, I wish we would have shouted it from the rooftops as soon as we found out. I'm not sure why we didn't tell people right away, although I think it was just being worried about what people would think. Here we were trying to start fresh right after graduating college, moving into a new home, with only one income, no teaching jobs in sight, and on top of other things we decided to have another child. I could only imagine what people were thinking. I'm not sure why it bothered me, but it did, so we kept it a "secret," well as long as we could anyway, it's not something you can hide for long. <br />
<br />
That is why with this baby we decided to tell people right away, I left balloons on Ryan's truck with a note and the test, he came home from lunch, he called his people, I called mine, :) and then we told the world via facebook and the blog. :) All in all it took about 3 hours for EVERYONE to know.<br />
<br />
We are excited, just as we were excited when we found out we were pregnant with Justin; and we were going to shout it from the rooftops this time. There may be some people out there that think it is too soon for us to have another baby, or that we are trying to fill the void of losing Justin by having another one, or just that we are being completely ridiculous in ever having another considering the circumstances that happened last time. It's okay that people think that, I won't lie, when we were thinking about taking no preventative measures as far as getting pregnant, a few times those same thoughts crept into my mind.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFOiOSX_W0krVXxLxpzBRHqDDq6ANnGNL4tlLGr1a6AyCAr6SWp7PT2fpH80fd0b1zHd8KnMi1uN1vlX-NmwOhTIXEeSCPr04ylSaXun4wukdZMGEdVToPn7alD7q_yDSjC9hnBy-6j5I/s1600/trust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFOiOSX_W0krVXxLxpzBRHqDDq6ANnGNL4tlLGr1a6AyCAr6SWp7PT2fpH80fd0b1zHd8KnMi1uN1vlX-NmwOhTIXEeSCPr04ylSaXun4wukdZMGEdVToPn7alD7q_yDSjC9hnBy-6j5I/s320/trust.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I just pushed them away, prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and put my trust in God's timing. If He wanted us to have another baby we would in His time. Don't get me wrong. There were a few times, I would break down, trying to get people to understand how empty my arms felt. Empty arms is worse than baby fever! I'm not even sure how to explain it. <br />
<br />
There is no way anything, even a new baby, could fill the void that was left after Justin's passing. Justin has his own little space in our hearts, his own memories, his own smell, his own way. Justin was, and will always be, a one of a kind baby that we were blessed with, even for only a short time. But with that being said, sometimes it feels like he was physically stolen from my arms, and at those times, I just want to hold a baby, our baby. Does that make sense? <br />
<br />
I know I will not be able to hold Justin again until God calls me home. This baby is not Justin. We are not filling Justin's spot with another baby. But to be honest, I cannot wait to feel the weight of baby in my arms again, a baby God made in the "secret place" just for us, a baby that was kissed by Justin before ever being revealed to his/her mommy and daddy. Our baby. <br />
<br />
We are all very excited about another little blessing, and as always I am once amazed at God's timing, grace, and mercy. <br />
<br />
Psalm 139:13-17<br />
<br />
<span class="text Ps-139-16" id="en-KJV-16256"><span class="versetext" id="ps139-13" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum"><strong>13</strong></span> For you created my inmost being;<a href="" name="17"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-17" id="17" title="Ps 119:73"></a></sup> you knit me together<a href="" name="18"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-18" id="18" title="S Job 10:11"></a></sup> in my mother's womb.<a href="" name="19"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-19" id="19" title="Isa 44:2,24; 46:3; 49:5; Jer 1:5"></a></sup></span><span class="versetext" id="ps139-14" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum"><strong>14</strong></span> I praise you<a href="" name="20"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-20" id="20" title="Ps 119:164; 145:10"></a></sup> because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,<a href="" name="21"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-21" id="21" title="S Job 40:19; Ps 40:5"></a></sup> I know that full well. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps139-15" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum"><strong>15</strong></span> My frame was not hidden from you when I was made<a href="" name="22"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-22" id="22" title="Ecc 11:5"></a></sup> in the secret place. When I was woven together<a href="" name="23"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-23" id="23" title="S Job 10:11"></a></sup> in the depths of the earth,<a href="" name="24"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-24" id="24" title="S Ps 63:9"></a></sup></span><span class="versetext" id="ps139-16" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum"><strong>16</strong></span> your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained<a href="" name="25"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-25" id="25" title="S Job 33:29; S Ps 90:12"></a></sup> for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps139-17" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum"><strong>17</strong></span> How precious to<a href="" name="b"></a><sup class="footnote" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#fn-descriptionAnchor-b" id="b" title="Or "concerning""></a></sup> me are your thoughts,<a href="" name="26"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-26" id="26" title="S Ps 92:5"></a></sup> O God!<a href="" name="27"></a><sup class="crossref" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/139.html#cr-descriptionAnchor-27" id="27" title="S Job 5:9; Ps 40:5"></a></sup> How vast is the sum of them!</span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-56245026243358568102012-05-14T13:01:00.000-05:002012-05-14T13:01:06.069-05:00A Birthday Surprise<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMKlm0u29jSmH1_Z4aJOENCzEidntDIUcDpB91BKY6RTIJad0b76OfXHN6-OMm0Ht33ZJaN7htlIb5nR8JBlC6aq6uR054CNTQRF2MT5wBDs5sWAM25scvsMFouFZJIFVEUNXgxF2MCgM/s1600/justin+bday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMKlm0u29jSmH1_Z4aJOENCzEidntDIUcDpB91BKY6RTIJad0b76OfXHN6-OMm0Ht33ZJaN7htlIb5nR8JBlC6aq6uR054CNTQRF2MT5wBDs5sWAM25scvsMFouFZJIFVEUNXgxF2MCgM/s320/justin+bday.jpg" width="320" /></a>Last night Ryan and I were both having a hard time. Niether of us talked about it, but it was just something that seemed to hang above us. We knew today would be hard. In fact as I'm typing this we just met our little boy only minutes before this, last year. <br />
<br />
This morning I was prepared to be crying, quiet, and distant all day. I was not looking forward to spending Justin's Birthday without him. <br />
<br />
Ryan and I have decided not to prevent another pregnancy, but not to plan or try for another baby either. Don't get me wrong though, my arms were feeling awfully empty quite a few times. We have been off of birth control for quite awhile and I didn't understand how I could have two big surprises, (Riley and Jacob) and yet we were doing nothing to prevent a pregnancy and still were not being surprised.<br />
<br />
I took a pregnancy test the other day and it was negative, but it was a pack of two. I was waiting to just hear a still small voice telling me that it was time to take another one again. Every morning since, I forgot to take the test. This morning I woke up and for some reason, other than it being Justin's birthday that was first thing that popped in my mind. Since I still had the second one left I figured we'd just see. I really figured it would be negative, considering I had just taken one...but it wasn't.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ryWT3gw2k_CvYTy42KYiBdsvGGSeQHoComYXD8YP8sTDRvrzBR31xkbeS5CjsdSYqRYqDOLW-eXjfJxiszPxvjmhPwt0bq_1rAWS-iZSN-NQz1vWtOy5vfz1uockgIykJPmvWkV-TBU/s1600/113.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ryWT3gw2k_CvYTy42KYiBdsvGGSeQHoComYXD8YP8sTDRvrzBR31xkbeS5CjsdSYqRYqDOLW-eXjfJxiszPxvjmhPwt0bq_1rAWS-iZSN-NQz1vWtOy5vfz1uockgIykJPmvWkV-TBU/s640/113.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
It may be Justin's Birthday but he gave us the best present ever. Thank you so much sweet baby, and I know you gave this baby a big kiss from his/her older brother. Thank you sweet Lord Jesus. Thank you, thank you. Happy Birthday our sweet little Justin! We love you so much! </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-8063049795711177812012-05-13T20:47:00.002-05:002012-05-13T20:47:43.205-05:00So Much<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScs1I8oVU6SFi-dBRIi07a1WGnmq3vyxc1mIcX5Jm-RMcVBDUOTQV7SmiPg9GoSYr7DAwFNEfawYMNQI4pfH_riYXdIs56WE2Uvkq_fZ-fMdegzWcEdD22WifMvRskIhgEPmOS2Yrz_s/s1600/justin's+grave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScs1I8oVU6SFi-dBRIi07a1WGnmq3vyxc1mIcX5Jm-RMcVBDUOTQV7SmiPg9GoSYr7DAwFNEfawYMNQI4pfH_riYXdIs56WE2Uvkq_fZ-fMdegzWcEdD22WifMvRskIhgEPmOS2Yrz_s/s640/justin's+grave.jpg" width="360" /></a>Obviously this weekend a lot harder, on everyone than we ever expected it to be. With Justin's birthday party, Mother's Day, and his actual birthday. Everything just seems to hit hard. A lot of us, myself included do not handle this stress, or this pain very well. I have to be sorry for things I have done and said, and I need to realize that people don't understand our pain. And I am thankful that they don't, I am grateful that they didn't have to experience that, I truly am. And with that, I don't understand their pain either. I don't understand Ryan's pain, I don't understand a grandparents pain, and sadly focused on myself, I think because I didn't know how to be strong enough for them also. I felt broken down, defeated. I didn't know how to handle it. <br />
<br />
I realized the other day, just how often I push back some of those feelings because they are too hard to deal with at times. My sister and I started talking about the day that Justin passed away. All of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach, my throat felt swollen, my chest was tight. I didn't want to talk about it, and realized I have not talked about it, especially in detail, since it happened. I have written "that dreadful day" in Justin's Jesus, but I don't talk about it, I don't like to, and I didn't know how to react to that. I changed the subject of course, but it just stayed in the back of my mind. I couldn't get the feelings to go away, or get myself to think of anything else. I felt helpless and lost. Because I couldn't do anything about it, because I was dumb enough to let myself go back there, I was angry; at myself. That anger wouldn't leave. I was angry that I was reacting that way, I was angry that I couldn't do anything about. I was angry that I thought it wouldn't hit me that way, and I was angry that we even had to experience that day. I was just angry at everything. Because I couldn't get over this, I was miserable and wasn't good for anyone. If you are happy you spread cheer, if you are angry you spread hurt. I did that. I was already very fragile, and on the verge of a breakdown anyway, the smallest thing, would and did set me off. Don't get me wrong there were big things too, but I have to keep in mind that those people are going through this all too, and I don't know their hearts or their pain. I probably should have just locked myself in my room, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I know that the Lord will carry us through the next few days, I just need to allow Him to do what He does, and don't doubt His power....oh and keep my mouth shut. Yeah something I am, have, and will always struggle with....obviously. I'm still learning...quite a few things. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwGG8dvDO7kA9tWYD-qfi6QgyFpuokmdUeh3NeeO1N6pTVTID_bD1DzwayCfvJgL02r0aT2uOy9bXBHPQlsBAUZIWYloTC4GzEYHrowEVWxqSn1EkoHGtwgS1fulKP0miM6ZPAZE2lcr0/s1600/riley+at+justin's+grave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwGG8dvDO7kA9tWYD-qfi6QgyFpuokmdUeh3NeeO1N6pTVTID_bD1DzwayCfvJgL02r0aT2uOy9bXBHPQlsBAUZIWYloTC4GzEYHrowEVWxqSn1EkoHGtwgS1fulKP0miM6ZPAZE2lcr0/s640/riley+at+justin's+grave.jpg" width="360" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
So please bear with me on this. Especially the next few days. I am over my anger, thank goodness, because that just eats away at me. It makes me miserable, good for no one, and makes everyone else miserable, and then I can't be there for anyone else either. Please, if you would, say a small prayer for our family tonight, as all of this is just sooo much, too much for us to do alone, and we know the power of prayer is amazing and that the Lord will hold us all up. Thank you all for the support and prayers. And thank you also to those of you that helped celebrate Justin's Birthday, either with us, or on your own. And to all our mommy reader's I hope you had a VERY BLESSED MOTHER'S DAY! </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-84589164925199310502012-05-08T17:26:00.002-05:002012-05-08T17:26:44.084-05:00Planning a "Party"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihzvB2xDgdmpM7HXXpBXfT-VkQtV1uf3aeBK95b-M_zNfPwN_GyyYS09rMjuOfRaK-xpp5XFDPn_v2SOT_UFblu9UQYc68j6pfVLtV3Zts-7-B445Sg3ITlsOa2wKTy2tI2uCvETVyiOc/s1600/DSC03308.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dba="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihzvB2xDgdmpM7HXXpBXfT-VkQtV1uf3aeBK95b-M_zNfPwN_GyyYS09rMjuOfRaK-xpp5XFDPn_v2SOT_UFblu9UQYc68j6pfVLtV3Zts-7-B445Sg3ITlsOa2wKTy2tI2uCvETVyiOc/s320/DSC03308.JPG" width="320" /></a>Justin's first birthday is just around the corner...6 days and counting; and we wanted to do something for his birthday. We didn't want it to just get swept under the rug, or not acknowledged because he isn't able to celebrate with us. We didn't want it to be a day filled with sorrow and mourning. It's his birthday, it is a day to celebrate his life, a day to celebrate the first time we met him, held him, snuggled him; the very first day that God placed him in our arms. It was a joyous day, the very first time we got to see our beautiful, perfect little boy. We were not worried about SIDS that day, we were not worried about waking up to find our baby lifeless, we were not worried. There was nothing about the day that was anything less than joyful; (other than throwing up because of the pain meds the first time I was able to stand up and see him in the "special" nursery) :) He did have to go to the "special" nursery, but being 5 weeks early that was kind of to be expected, but either way it was a very joyous occasion, and that's what we want it to remain. </div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSLjIq2KVGcREXfs6kDtTliurN_Xnva0EIr_1HeTHD0XTfCY_RX5VVAIrRJdjLY95YrwW4Q11IBskxFAs-9f6UPPv6Kulz8Dp6Bk09PvRepXOG_Ih1Iu-3N461nYaRRvQvQWOObp7bNPE/s1600/DSC03299.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" dba="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSLjIq2KVGcREXfs6kDtTliurN_Xnva0EIr_1HeTHD0XTfCY_RX5VVAIrRJdjLY95YrwW4Q11IBskxFAs-9f6UPPv6Kulz8Dp6Bk09PvRepXOG_Ih1Iu-3N461nYaRRvQvQWOObp7bNPE/s320/DSC03299.JPG" width="320" /></a>We want to think back on the day of his birth, with pride and joy, not with sorrow and heartbreak. If Justin was still physically with us we would have been planning a big first birthday party, so we decided to do the same anyway; he will just be looking down from Heaven, instead of smashing his face into a cake :) </div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
This morning I was getting frustrated, ready to give up on the party, nothing is going as "planned". I get like this for EVERY birthday party, this really is nothing new. I am not a very good planner, and especially when our families are so far away it is sometimes hard to accomodate to everyones schedules and their own busy lives, generally we end up leaving a few people out, unintentionally of course. We just both have rather large families, with lots of kids and it's hard to keep up. I was starting to feel like I was in over my head, too many people got too busy, (I'm not complaining it is very understandable, life gets busy whether we want it to or not), I don't have everything planned out the way I wanted it to, (my own fault, time got away from me). IT started to feel like it was more work than it was worth. should I really be planning a party for a baby that isn't here? Should we really take all this on? And for what? Once again, this really is nothing new, different thought process of course, but either way, even with Riley and Jacob's parties, I still get stressed out and frustrated, and come to the same way of thinking that parties are just too stressful! They always end up working themselves out, the boys have a great time, and everyone leaves happy, (I hope). </div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhJnCIlWEmpdT4K_C1HSSKMYOR-N21cZWJY1whfjVvjakfDlWvZtsm-6GpwIgNq3Z3PW5cIhELmdho8G1fmUygJo0DiPvEFLRlvuPd2nk9zApd7UaE76zEGTdvR03-wmtUyCLibCYs9M/s1600/DSC03304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dba="true" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhJnCIlWEmpdT4K_C1HSSKMYOR-N21cZWJY1whfjVvjakfDlWvZtsm-6GpwIgNq3Z3PW5cIhELmdho8G1fmUygJo0DiPvEFLRlvuPd2nk9zApd7UaE76zEGTdvR03-wmtUyCLibCYs9M/s320/DSC03304.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
I'm sure this party will be the same, and once I calmed down, and got back to my non-stressed mind set; I still do want to do the party. I would regret it if I didn't. We are going to try to keep it simple...it's a first birthday party, shouldn't be too complicated anyway. :) We will all have fun, release balloons in honor of his birthday, and just have friends and family together to remember the sweet little baby we welcomed into our family, and into this world, even if it was for a short 89 days, we will celebrate the very first of those blessed 89 days we had him with us. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-76900277199553536672012-05-01T12:12:00.003-05:002012-05-01T12:12:52.699-05:00All in God's Time<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
I am so amazed by our God, His love, His plan, and His timing daily; <em>daily</em> He amazes me! I fully believe that God revealed things to me on His time and His alone. He knew that I would not be able to handle this information, even just a few months ago, and He kept it from me, because He knows my heart. He also knew that once I was strong enough, had that unshakable peace that only He can provide, and trusted in His plan enough to not allow this to hinder my faith, that that is when I would be ready to handle things like this. I am not saying that getting Justin vaccinated is what caused his passing, however I believe with all my heart that it played a major role in his short little life.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTwlbJZFCq9TkJ9ghgA1Fog9ax5bg7dcWmyLTJXLb50Tw6tLa3L62UEYYoybqN879AwYnzY3t0kjiYX4EniKsyVCdr1lPSD23Chsg2yw7K21_9k_uBVocWwQ91VXbi0DxDf-SIE8P4qak/s1600/DSC_0262.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTwlbJZFCq9TkJ9ghgA1Fog9ax5bg7dcWmyLTJXLb50Tw6tLa3L62UEYYoybqN879AwYnzY3t0kjiYX4EniKsyVCdr1lPSD23Chsg2yw7K21_9k_uBVocWwQ91VXbi0DxDf-SIE8P4qak/s320/DSC_0262.jpg" width="194" /></a>With that being said. I am not questioning God on why this happened; nor am I questioning myself or my parenting as to why I didn't know this information before. I trust him! I believe in His plan, and I know that all of this has been according to it. I am not beating myself up over vaccinating Justin, or the other boys, I am just so thankful that He has allowed me to learn from this. Through this information and God's timing of when I would receive it, we will be making quite a few positive changes in our lives, that we really need to make in order for our kids to have the healthiest life possible; starting with not just "following" along with what we are told to do, as far as worldly concerns go. Meaning that I am not just going to allow my children to be injected with things that I have not first read about, learned about, and know the facts of. I will not just follow the pack and do what we are supposed to do. I will do what is in the best interest of my children, my family, and with a lot of prayers and trust in God, I know that He will guide me to make the right choices. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAzl8WBxZ9gamY0VqVwGcgs4i8Ll_MEHTmcYVlGkyZqBN70T2FhDTPEGa8gSdLDe3pWBmbxXyMzKPp16eQhTXD3bGsSqscIGzRHrlWZ0QtYfWDUnNUG7RbDam-wovi63_bTKUeL-WXTMM/s1600/DSC_0228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAzl8WBxZ9gamY0VqVwGcgs4i8Ll_MEHTmcYVlGkyZqBN70T2FhDTPEGa8gSdLDe3pWBmbxXyMzKPp16eQhTXD3bGsSqscIGzRHrlWZ0QtYfWDUnNUG7RbDam-wovi63_bTKUeL-WXTMM/s320/DSC_0228.jpg" width="320" /></a>Not only was I not looking for answers when I stumbled across the vaccination/SIDS correlation information, I wasn't expecting them. I was, and am, at peace with what God has planned for all of us, and I believe because God knew that I would trust Him, no matter what, and because I was still, He revealed this to us at the right time. Along with not injecting our children with toxic chemicals we are also looking into things we subject them to everyday. I know that some of you are going to think I am being extreme, and that is okay; it is something we need to do for us. We needed a change of lifestyle anyway and this brought us to it. We really did need to start eating healthier, and we knew that, but never really had the motivation to get the ball rolling on it, until now. We also started looking to things we use every day such as toothpaste, cleaners, and other household items, and realized we really don't know what we are using everyday. I am not saying that every child who uses fluoride toothpaste is going to get brain damage, or get Alzhiemers later in life. I am not saying that at all, but with my grandma having dementia, I am not willing to add extra factors into it that could increase the risk. We are starting to do things, use things, that are a little more "old-fashioned" a lot of the stuff we are looking into is not just healthier, but cheaper as well, and with the economy in the state it is in, we could all go for something a little cheaper. So we will be making our own laundry soap, (this we were planning on doing anyway due to the cost benefit), we also will not use fluoride, (thankfully we were already using fluoride free water), now we are just adjusting our toothpaste. We are planning on growing a small garden so that we are eating fruits and vegetables that don't have the pesticides that are put on larger farm products. We are just taking baby steps, right now. Just to live healthier. On a more extreme matter, we have decided we will NOT vaccinate anyone in this house ever again, especially with Dtap, and with that I really do encourage all of you parents out there to do your own research on these vaccinations, and make your own educated decision on what is best for your children. I am blessed with the fact that, if need be I can homeschool my children, and also if we have more children, since I am home they aren't exposed to as many germs and viruses as they would be around children in daycare. I understand that not everyone has that option, or enjoy their job outside of the home, and that is okay too, and something that would definitely be a factor in the decision making process; but either way, please read up on some of this so that you feel good about your decision either way. Don't just follow the crowd. We took our kids in, not even thinking about it, it was just their "two month shots" "four month shots" etc. never once thinking twice about what was in those shots, or the fact that the number of shots has over tripled in the last two decades. So please, just take a little time to look into it before you take your children to get "their shots". <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuILpAW7PBD0Rm6LvfdrtDjC42V1-D0G0R1noA8HcwkbfJ4nJlCrus1BsGyc48strg3OS_BTd3sJWJrTb896o56wqjGl8PKOz86cenv1KOdV1KHAOFZa9O7EQWFPF-Uj2ERxzbHNKZwZY/s1600/be+still.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuILpAW7PBD0Rm6LvfdrtDjC42V1-D0G0R1noA8HcwkbfJ4nJlCrus1BsGyc48strg3OS_BTd3sJWJrTb896o56wqjGl8PKOz86cenv1KOdV1KHAOFZa9O7EQWFPF-Uj2ERxzbHNKZwZY/s400/be+still.png" width="400" /></a></div>
Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; <span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">I will be exalted <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14625B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> among the nations, </span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">I will be exalted in the earth.”</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">Ecclesiastes 3:11 To every <i>thing there is</i> a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity
in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work
from beginning to end.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">Ecclesiastes 8:6 For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery
weighs heavily upon him.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-46-10">Romans 11:33Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable
his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!</span></span><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-55446233166833576562012-04-26T22:10:00.000-05:002012-04-27T08:46:14.506-05:00SIDS/SUID and Vaccinations<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I stumbled across something today...seriously stumbled on it. I was not looking for answers, and I fully trust in God's timing and plans for each of our lives, including our childrens. As I was browsing one of my all time favorite sites today (pinterest), I came across a pin about vaccinations. I have a few friends I know of who have opted out of getting their children vaccinated, but I had never really talked to any of them about their choices and why they made that decision. I decided I would click on this pin and see what it as all about. I wasn't ever thinking I would come across so much viable information. The first site I came to was one of autism, I knew that that was a big factor in a lot of the decision making when it comes to parents deciding on whether or not to vaccinate their children; this I was expecting to come across. As I read further though, I was directed to another website regarding the effects of vaccinations; this one had to do with SIDS, and the correlation between when most children pass away of SIDS (between 2 and 4 months) and when they receive certain vaccinations, (DPT). I got to thinking about when Justin got his shots, and realized it was just a while prior. The DPT vaccination is the one that contains the pertussis vaccination (whooping cough). <br />
<br />
Justin was small for his age, being that he was 5 weeks early and had to have a dose of surfactant due to this. I was a few weeks late on getting Justin his shots, but the night we came home, he had a slight fever, (normal), and then later developed a cough. The night he developed the cough he passed away. Up until that night he was a very healthy boy, gaining weight like a champ. Remember we had just gone to the dr. a couple weeks before, and had no health problems what-so-ever. This got me curious and I went back to look at Riley and Jacob's baby books, to see if I had written anything in theirs when they got their shots. Jacob was a few months behind on his shots and didn't get his first DPT until close to 5 months. My notes in his baby book were, reaction: Fever for two days, I remember that fever, it was awful and we thought about taking him to the hospital for it. Shortly after that he was placed on nebulizer treatments. I fully believe that it could have had a worse effect had he gotten his shots on time, seeing as how he was also a nicu baby, who developed respitory distress caused by a very hard, and extended labor. I had never put two and two together until I started reading up more on this. <br />
<br />
Vaccines are full of toxins, arsenic, lead, and mercury being among them. Here you do everything possible to have a healthy pregnancy, which I did, all of my pregnancies were very healthy; but we try to not consume anything that could be potentially harmful to the baby, this including anything and everything except tylenol and prenatal vitamins, so why is that they get these vaccinations so soon in life, before they ever leave the hospital they are already given a vaccine for Hib, and they are given around 18 vaccinations before they reach a year old! Vaccines have been linked to Autism, ADHD, RSV, and SIDS. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ7tOMBbRP9TJYgMoN5WXvq9KLyUxaadeIwqplF6G8OucaeMQVX44vghbXZxgu3jqt3zwGjODAPQxu_O4oqvpjfx8K_kuoR7D3WF83nkcQT30TZjBqYvUr-0_7pLKw8dlm3unahx_HyOw/s1600/sids+and+vaccination.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ7tOMBbRP9TJYgMoN5WXvq9KLyUxaadeIwqplF6G8OucaeMQVX44vghbXZxgu3jqt3zwGjODAPQxu_O4oqvpjfx8K_kuoR7D3WF83nkcQT30TZjBqYvUr-0_7pLKw8dlm3unahx_HyOw/s320/sids+and+vaccination.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I am not sure about all this, but I know I will be doing my own research and talking with people who know more about this subject than I do, so that I can make my own educated decision on whether to continue with vaccinations for our older children. As far as future children go, we will NOT have them be injected with anything within the first year of life for sure, maybe even longer. I encourage all of you with young kids to do your own research before you get your kids vaccinated. I am not saying it is wrong, I just want our kids to be as healthy as they can. Also, if you are someone who knows a little more about this, please let me know your thoughts and personal decisions as to why you do or not get your children vaccinated. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on all of this as we are doing our own research and making our own decisions. I think it is definitely something worth looking into and educating ourselves on. Also if you have a child who passed away due to SIDS/SUID when did they receive their last shots? It might be something to look into. Once again, I am NOT looking for someone to place blame on, nor am I beating myself up on this. IT is what it is and I trust God's plan and timing. I just want to make sure that I am making the best decisions for my children here on out, with both Riley and Jacob, and any other future children we may have. <br />
<br />
<strong><u><em>Update: April 27, 2012</em></u></strong> I talked with the dr. office that administered the vaccinations he was given Hib, IPV, Dtap, PCV, Heb B, and Rota, all of these were given on the same day; July 25, 2011, Justin passed away 2 weeks later. Here is the information I found last night:<br />
<br />
<strong><em>A Close Look at the DPT Vaccine</em></strong><br />
In case you want to choose to not get one of the vaccines here is further information on the DPT vaccine (diphtheria-pertussis-tetanus toxoid). They found that two-thirds of the babies that died of SIDS had gotten the DPT vaccine. Of these, 6.5% died within 12 hours of vaccination; 13% within 24 hours; 26% within 3 days; 37% within a week; <strong>61% within 2 weeks and 70% within 3 weeks</strong>.<br />
<br />
DPT and Dtap, are different vaccines, but both prove to have a correlation with SIDS and other serious side effects. In Japan they started administering the Dtap at 2 years of age, rather than 2 months and the number of infant deaths went down drastically.<br />
<br />
Here are a couple sites that explains more on the correlation between SIDS and vaccinations. <a href="http://www.thinktwice.com/sids.htm">http://www.thinktwice.com/sids.htm</a><br />
<a href="http://chuck-bluestein.hubpages.com/hub/Do-Vaccines-Kill-Infants">http://chuck-bluestein.hubpages.com/hub/Do-Vaccines-Kill-Infants</a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-558091482272592506.post-10083047551409421632012-04-24T13:47:00.001-05:002012-04-24T13:57:33.300-05:00Gentle Reminders<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As we all know...a year is coming up. Ryan and I both found ourselves being short-tempered, edgy, and just in a "down" type of mood. I don't think either of us realized what was "causing" this change in us, until someone close to us, told us of her and her husbands experience with their own son's birthday, short life, and heartbreaking passing. I started looking to others for encouragement, turning less and less to where I needed to actually turn, and I could feel myself putting up the walls around my heart. By doing this I wouldn't let anything kind out of it, or in it. I felt my hope escaping and not having the will or desire to look to where I needed to to replenish it. I messaged my pastor one night, in hopes that there were some "magic words" to get me back on track, some magic scripture, something...anything. He responded with Psalm 139: 1-18. This same passage is in Justin's Jesus twice, and when I first read his response, I thought, "this one? But I <em>know </em>this one!" But went to the Bible anyway and reread the verse I had read so many times before. Thinking that I knew it like the back of my hand; it was the same one said at Justin's funeral, the same one given to me by my sister, the same one read at his grave, I knew this verse right? It's funny how the Holy Spirit works though. Even though, yes I knew this verse, it wasn't a "new" one to me, it still seems to take on a whole new meaning each time I read it. Even though it was one I am so familiar with, it still took on a power of it's own, and it was a nice little gentle reminder, that God knows. He knew before, He knew then, He knows now. He knew what was going to happen, how He would carry us, how we would feel, and what His peace can do for heartbroken souls and how only in His power can we achieve that supernatural peace. It was a nice lesson to learn. Never underestimate the power of His Word, and always allow the Holy Spirit to show you knew meaning to already "known" passages. <br />
<br />
That same week at bible study, Beth Moore, talked about hope and hopelessness; what it is, what it does. She went on to say that when our soul is sick we are going through a season of hopelessness. And that hope is encouragement....(wait wasn't that what I was looking for??? An encouraging word...a magic word! Once again, don't I know where to find that hope?) I do and always have known where to find hope, just sometimes it takes a little more effort to allow God to work in you, through you, and just receive what He offers. I wasn't willing to try to receive, and the walls were becoming larger and harder for me to tear down. Beth Moore also explained that hope is when you fully expect Jesus to show himself in any and all situations. I know the peace He provides, I have felt the hope He has given, I have seen what He can do, and felt the power of His love, but some how was still turning away from it without even realizing it. I was worried about a year coming up, how it would hit us, how we would feel, how we all were going to react for those three months this year. Those same three months that were great last year...what were they going to bring this year, pain and heartbreak, and I "forgot" to just let go and let God. I "forgot" that God will take care of us, just like He did then, I "forgot" to just rely on and expect Him to do what only He does...I lost hope and didn't even know it! "We are tossed and tumbled souls, that are anchored by God and everyone of his promises will be kept!" He will provide when need it, He will be with us from May-August, just as He is with us always. Thank you Beth Moore for those words of encouragement, for opening my eyes. Once again another very gentle reminder, that everything will be okay! <br />
<br />
That same week, (obviously God knew me..(Psalm 139)....and knew I would need quite a few reminders during this time) a lady knocked on our front door. We were not expecting company, and we don't have a lot of company. (I am not complaining I get nervous when there is a knock on the door, and look around to see how messy our house is at that particular time, and wonder if I will be embarassed to have this person come in) :) It was a lady from down the street, that I had never met before. Her very sweet husband brings our dog, Duke, back to us about once a week when the boys leave the gate open and he wanders over to their house to play with their shih-tzu's. I have met him, he is a very nice man, and talks with Ryan often on his weekly Duke returns. During one of Ryan's conversations with this man he learned that this man and his wife tragically lost their son in a car accident at the end of last year, and they talked about a father's heartbreak, and Ryan gave him a copy of Justin's Jesus. His wife had come over to tell me that she had read it and talk about our children in Heaven, God's plan and purpose, keeping things in perspective and just a nice chat. Thank you Lord once again for those gracious hearts!! <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCp91iTWTSov9XwstGUYykGWV339Z2enZxFbzxBrYI27ALdkFlJhh1CulevuQkdbxVPL6Fiz3RETzkA4enuvCejoscgGBahV0EjgXpCYienVURgb3dhiIZijUSDWIuomutfI2mQv8RYa8/s1600/cryout2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCp91iTWTSov9XwstGUYykGWV339Z2enZxFbzxBrYI27ALdkFlJhh1CulevuQkdbxVPL6Fiz3RETzkA4enuvCejoscgGBahV0EjgXpCYienVURgb3dhiIZijUSDWIuomutfI2mQv8RYa8/s320/cryout2.bmp" width="320" /></a>Then....yes like I said I was obviously in desperate need of some God attention, and He provided!! We were at the grocery store, the boys were being CRAZY!!! Riley had already knocked the cart over on himself, Jacob...well....let's just say you can now definitely tell he is living his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, 3's...and on top of it has that red hair, that we always tell people goes straight to his soul; I also only had 5 things on my list and now had a cart full...I will never understand how that happens! :) Anyways, as I was looking at something, (that was not on my list) I heard someone say, "Are you Mary?" and looked around thinking there must be another Mary in the store. But there wasn't and this woman was talking to me. She told me she recognized me from seeing Riley and his picture. She also had read Justin's Jesus and we talked a little bit about her own personal experiences and loss. That was a really cool experience.<br />
<br />
Thank you Lord, for all of these gentle reminders. For healing my "sick" soul, and providing hope to my hopeless soul. Once again, I am still learning, every day, and I falter often. I am so thankful for a Lord that "knows" He knows my heart, He knows my needs, and He provides in a way that only He can. As I was picking Riley up from school today, a song came on the radio, that I feel very fitting for this season in our lives, I know I have heard it many times before, but didn't pay attention to the words until just today. The first verse and chorus say this:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
To everyone who's lost someone they love<br />
Long before it was their time<br />
You feel like the days you had were not enough<br />
when you said goodbye<br />
<br />
And to all of the people with burdens and pains<br />
Keeping you back from your life<br />
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one<br />
Who can make it right<br />
<br />
Chorus<br />
<br />
There is hope for the helpless<br />
Rest for the weary<br />
Love for the broken heart<br />
There is grace and forgiveness<br />
Mercy and healing<br />
He'll meet you wherever you are<br />
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VeGNgBwPTMA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Thank you Lord for allowing us to cry out to you in any and all situations and for knowing just the right way to heal our sick souls, pick us up, and get us back on track! Please remember that He will meet you whereever you are. That your pain is not too big for Him, and you can never fall off track enough that He can't reach you. Cry out to Jesus! He will find you, comfort you, and provide you with a hope that surpasses all understanding. God Bless all of you who are hurting, discouraged, and just need an encouraging word. May God be with you and place a certain peace in your heart that only He can provide. He will meet you right where you are, where ever you are. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 139: 1-18 <span class="line">O <span class="divine-name">Lord</span>, you have searched me and
known me!</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-2.htm"><b>2</b></a></span> <span class="line">You
know when I sit down and when I rise up;</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">you
discern my thoughts from afar.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-3.htm"><b>3</b></a></span> <span class="line">You
search out my path and my lying down</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">and are
acquainted with all my ways.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-4.htm"><b>4</b></a></span> <span class="line">Even before a word is on my tongue,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">behold, O <span class="divine-name">Lord</span>, you know it
altogether.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-5.htm"><b>5</b></a></span> <span class="line">You
hem me in, behind and before,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">and lay your hand
upon me.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-6.htm"><b>6</b></a></span> <span class="line">Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">it is high; I cannot attain it.</span>
</div>
<div class="line-group" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-7.htm"><b>7</b></a></span> <span class="line">Where shall I go from your Spirit?</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">Or
where shall I flee from your presence?</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-8.htm"><b>8</b></a></span> <span class="line">If
I ascend to heaven, you are there!</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">If I make my
bed in Sheol, you are there!</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-9.htm"><b>9</b></a></span> <span class="line">If
I take the wings of the morning</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">and dwell in the
uttermost parts of the sea,</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-10.htm"><b>10</b></a></span> <span class="line">even there your hand shall lead me,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">and your right hand shall hold me.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-11.htm"><b>11</b></a></span>
<span class="line">If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">and the light about me be night,”</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-12.htm"><b>12</b></a></span>
<span class="line">even the darkness is not dark to you;</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">the night is bright as the day,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">for darkness is as light with you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="line-group" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-13.htm"><b>13</b></a></span> <span class="line">For you formed my inward parts;</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">you
knitted me together in my mother’s womb.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-14.htm"><b>14</b></a></span> <span class="line">I
praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.<span class="footnote"><sup><a href="http://esv.scripturetext.com/psalms/139-1.htm#footnotesa">a</a></sup></span></span><br /><span class="line">Wonderful are
your works;</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">my soul knows it very
well.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-15.htm"><b>15</b></a></span> <span class="line">My frame was not hidden from you,</span><br /><span class="line">when I
was being made in secret,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">intricately woven in
the depths of the earth.</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-16.htm"><b>16</b></a></span> <span class="line">Your eyes saw my unformed substance;</span><br /><span class="line">in
your book were written, every one of them,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">the
days that were formed for me,</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">when as yet there
was none of them.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="line-group" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-17.htm"><b>17</b></a></span> <span class="line">How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">How vast is the sum of them!</span><br /><span class="reftext"><a href="http://bible.cc/psalms/139-18.htm"><b>18</b></a></span> <span class="line">If I would count them, they are more than the sand.</span><br /><span class="ln-indent">I awake, and I am still with you.</span></div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04503161371838724482noreply@blogger.com2