A Birthday Surprise

Last night Ryan and I were both having a hard time.  Niether of us talked about it, but it was just something that seemed to hang above us.  We knew today would be hard. In fact as I'm typing this we just met our little boy only minutes before this, last year. 

This morning I was prepared to be crying, quiet, and distant all day.  I was not looking forward to spending Justin's Birthday without him. 

Ryan and I have decided not to prevent another pregnancy, but not to plan or try for another baby either. Don't get me wrong though, my arms were feeling awfully empty quite a few times.  We have been off of birth control for quite awhile and I didn't understand how I could have two big surprises, (Riley and Jacob) and yet we were doing nothing to prevent a pregnancy and still were not being surprised.

I took a pregnancy test the other day and it was negative, but it was a pack of two. I was waiting to just hear a still small voice telling me that it was time to take another one again.  Every morning since, I forgot to take the test.  This morning I woke up and for some reason, other than it being Justin's birthday that was first thing that popped in my mind.  Since I still had the second one left I figured we'd just see.  I really figured it would be negative, considering I had just taken one...but it wasn't.

It may be Justin's Birthday but he gave us the best present ever.  Thank you so much sweet baby, and I know you gave this baby a big kiss from his/her older brother.  Thank you sweet Lord Jesus. Thank you, thank you.  Happy Birthday our sweet little Justin!  We love you so much!