Planning a "Party"

Justin's first birthday is just around the corner...6 days and counting; and we wanted to do something for his birthday.  We didn't want it to just get swept under the rug, or not acknowledged because he isn't able to celebrate with us.  We didn't want it to be a day filled with sorrow and mourning.  It's his birthday, it is a day to celebrate his life, a day to celebrate the first time we met him, held him, snuggled him; the very first day that God placed him in our arms. It was a joyous day, the very first time we got to see our beautiful, perfect little boy.  We were not worried about SIDS that day, we were not worried about waking up to find our baby lifeless, we were not worried.  There was nothing about the day that was anything less than joyful; (other than throwing up because of the pain meds the first time I was able to stand up and see him in the "special" nursery) :) He did have to go to the "special" nursery, but being 5 weeks early that was kind of to be expected, but either way it was a very joyous occasion, and that's what we want it to remain. 

We want to think back on the day of his birth, with pride and joy, not with sorrow and heartbreak.  If Justin was still physically with us we would have been planning a big first birthday party, so we decided to do the same anyway; he will just be looking down from Heaven, instead of smashing his face into a cake :)

This morning I was getting frustrated, ready to give up on the party, nothing is going as "planned".  I get like this for EVERY birthday party, this really is nothing new.  I am not a very good planner, and especially when our families are so far away it is sometimes hard to accomodate to everyones schedules and their own busy lives, generally we end up leaving a few people out, unintentionally of course.  We just both have rather large families, with lots of kids and it's hard to keep up. I was starting to feel like I was in over my head, too many people got too busy, (I'm not complaining it is very understandable, life gets busy whether we want it to or not), I don't have everything planned out the way I wanted it to, (my own fault, time got away from me). IT started to feel like it was more work than it was worth.  should I really be planning a party for a baby that isn't here?  Should we really take all this on? And for what? Once again, this really is nothing new, different thought process of course, but either way, even with Riley and Jacob's parties, I still get stressed out and frustrated, and come to the same way of thinking that parties are just too stressful! They always end up working themselves out, the boys have a great time, and everyone leaves happy, (I hope).

I'm sure this party will be the same, and once I calmed down, and got back to my non-stressed mind set; I still do want to do the party.  I would regret it if I didn't. We are going to try to keep it simple...it's a first birthday party, shouldn't be too complicated anyway. :)  We will all have fun, release balloons in honor of his birthday, and just have friends and family together to remember the sweet little baby we welcomed into our family, and into this world, even if it was for a short 89 days, we will celebrate the very first of those blessed 89 days we had him with us.