Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Happy 5th Birthday, buddy! See you when I get home.

Every year it seems Justin's birthday gets a little easier, a few less tears each time. His second better than first, third better than second and so on, so I naturally thought, "I've got this" this time. As it turns out, though, five is pretty tough.

 I'm not sure if it's just pregnancy hormones, the fact that it landed on a Saturday, maybe because it snuck up on me, or possibly it could just be that five is tough.

I noticed Ryan was quieter than usual today too, so I'm guessing, five is hard all around. Generally we are able to talk freely about Justin, today I  think it was just easier to not mention his birthday or even speak his name.

  This morning when I woke up my first thought was, "We would be getting ready for a party". Today I would be blowing up balloons, setting up the table, wrapping the last minute gift, and having Ryan run to the store at least twice to get things I've forgotten. Right now we would be in a hustle and I would frantic but it would all be fun and worth it to see him blow out his candles and open his gifts. 

The 5th birthday is such a big deal in a little one's life. It's that first taste of independence, when you really feel like a big kid. This year you get to start big kid school, this year you go to kindergarten. This year we would be registering Justin for kindergarten and Hannah for preschool and life would be crazy and beautiful; but we're not. 

We aren't wrapping gifts and waiting for company to arrive, I'm not in disbelief that "my baby is starting kindergarten", we aren't rushing around to get forms filled out and appointments scheduled for registration, and that's okay, it really is. While this birthday is harder than last I cling to the promise that the Lord has plans for me, that the Lord had plans for Justin and they came to pass.