Ryan and I talked about it the other night. What do you do? Can you live the day like it is just another ordinary day, knowing that it's not? And would that be okay to do? Do you give in and stay in bed all day? How could I make that work with the boys? Is it going to be as hard as what I expect it to be?
One night as I was praying for the strength and courage to get through these weeks and thought about what I expected from that day, the heartbreak, the pain, the realization that it's been a year... I was reminded that I am focusing on all the wrong things. I am worrying; and I shouldn't. I am fearful, and I shouldn't be. I am focusing on the pain that may come with a day that isn't even here yet. Instead I should be focusing on being thankful, thankful for all the happiness and joy that came with Justin. I shouldn't associate Justin with pain and heartbreak, but with happiness and jubilation instead. Why was I not doing that? It was time to change my perspective on things. I needed that reminder. No more feeling sorry and sad. It's time to list happy thought and praises of thanks. So that is just what I'm going to do starting now.
Thank you Lord for Justin.
Thank you for 89 days.
Thank you for soft hair, and baby soft skin.
Thank you for the baby smell.
Thank you for his smile, and for letting me witness it.
Thank you for his giggle, what music that was to my ears.
Thank you for snuggles.
Thank you for making him a mommy's boy.
Thank you for allowing his older brothers to cherish him, love him, and be proud of him.
Thank you for a week alone with Justin.
Thank you for letting us share a rainbow.
Thank you for three car seats in the back of the explorer and for rearview mirrors.
Thank you for prayers, and for making sure just once that I prayed with Justin not just for him.
Thank you for lullabies.
Thank you for "Jesus Loves Me"
Thank you for letting us take Justin camping.
Thank you for letting us take rides together, go out to eat together, go on walks together.
Thank you for gentle reminders.
Thank you Lord for allowing him to grow even if was only up to 12 lbs.
Thank you for letting us watch him grow, some parent's don't get even that.
Thank you for allowing us to use this test as a testimony.
Thank you for answers we didn't know we needed.
Thank you for perfect timing.
Thank you for family pictures.
Thank you for allowing us to grow in our faith.
Thank you for Justin's Jesus.
Thank you for photographs from Heaven.
Thank you for peace that surpasses all understanding.
Thank you for covering us with your feathers.
Thank you for allowing us to grow as a family.
"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7