Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Just a Jake Day

I realized today just how far we have put Jacob in the middle child shadow.  Today he made a mistake; a big mistake.  He acted out on nerves, fear, and emotion, and chose poorly.  He got in trouble, BIG trouble.  I realize tonight though, as I can't sleep how much of that really falls back on me as a parent.  Jacob gets lumped in with Riley so much that we forget he is almost 2 years younger.  He is the same height they are two of a kind...but they aren't.  They are two different kids, yet we expect him to be just as responsible as his brother, to make rational decisions that he's not even developmentally capable of making at this age.  He also requires more attention than we give him.  With having a VERY demanding little sister, Jacob's needs sometimes are (unintentionally) put on the back burner.  I forget that he's only 6, and a young 6.  He's not 7 going on 8 in a few short months, he is ONLY 6.  There are two things that came to mind today.  

The first being that I need to stop thinking of the boys as "twins" and see them as who they are individually.  I cannot expect a six year to react in the same ways an eight year old would.  Riley and Jacob are two totally different boys, don't get me wrong they are the same in a lot of ways, but there are so many things that make them their own person.  Jacob is my lovey, snuggly guy that craves attention, once again attention that we don't adequately give him.  He had every reason to make the choice he made today, even though it was a dangerous one.  I expected too much from him.  I expected him to make 8 year old choices.  I am not saying that he did not need to learn a lesson for this, or that I should not have scolded him for it.  He needed to be. He needed a quick lesson on the fact that you need to calm down before you make a choice that could end terribly; (thankfully it didn't, this time).  And I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson. 

The second thing that has me up thinking about this tonight is something Jacob said.  After we had all calmed down, I told Jacob of course that we love him, we just need him to be sure of choices before he makes....on and on...you know the whole parent, "you need to learn your lesson" bit; and Jacob asked, "Mom, can we not tell the whole family about this?"  I'm honestly not sure why it is a big deal, but I made the promise that I would not tell the "whole family".  Which is why I am not putting exactly what he did in this post.  It wasn't something crazy, just a wrong choice.  That got me thinking though, how often do I ask God that same question. 

How often do I make really stupid choices based on nerves, fear, and emotion, then come to my senses and BEG God not to let the world find out about my faults or irrational thinking?  How often do I plead that He not show the whole world that I just fell flat on my face, or ask that I don't fall flat even though my choices could very easily cause me to do just that? How often, do I really think like a 6 year old.  Too many for being 30! At the same time, what an awesome, amazing, grace-filled, merciful God I serve that so many times He has done just what I did with Jacob.  "Yes child, you messed up.  Yes there are consequences, but I will cover you with my feathers.  Learn from this, get back up, make better choices, and yes, child, I still love you!"  How many times has he brushed off my knees and not let the world see that have fallen, and I am so so thankful for that!!!  I love that he loves me even more than I love my children, and that he loves my children even more than I do, even though it seems impossible to me. 

 A little about my little guy....I really am so blessed to be this boy's mommy.  He is spunky and quick witted.  He has more facial expressions than anybody out there.  He makes us laugh every day!

  He has charm and an attitude.  He melts my heart every night when he says his prayers, sings (belts out) his praises to Jesus and lets me hear him sing "God Speed" just one more time.  He makes me proud as we walk into church and he is in his Sunday best; suit and tie, the whole nine yards, because he has dressed himself again for church.  This little boy who wants to be a cop and a rock star.  The same silly boy that still believes he has night vision; so much in fact that he has Riley praying at night that Jesus would give him night vision like Jacob.  I hope I remember to let him be little, even when there are lessons to be learned.    He really is such a pride and joy.  I just love that boy!!!

I think this week Jacob and I are going to have a Mommy-Jake day.  Just me and my precious 6 year old.  A day where he doesn't have to share my lap with Hannah, where he doesn't have to do what Riley wants him to do.  A day he doesn't have to share all his toys with Hannah and move out of a chair because it is HER CHAIR and she demands no one else sits in it.  Just a Jake day.  I so badly want to go wake him up and snuggle with him, and ask him just what he wants to do on a day just to himself.  I know how excited he is going to be!  Of course I won't, it's late, way late, and he has had a hard day, but I know tomorrow the first thing I am going to do is snuggle that sweet, yet oh so ornery, little strawberry blonde boy, and plan a very fun Jake day!  I may actually be even more excited than him!! :)  

It seems this lady must have had the same kind of day, she just says it more eloquently, than I did.  If you get a chance click on the link below.  :)