Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Monday, July 8, 2013

A Baby After SIDS


I've noticed on a lot of blogs that mother's stop writing after they have a baby; after they have had a baby pass away due to "SIDS".  I swore I would not be one of those mothers; that I would keep writing, because I wanted to know.  I wanted to know what it was like; but here I am; and I stopped writing  blogs after Hannah was born.  Life got busy! Life with three kids is not like life with two, so this blog is about life after "losing" a child.

I hate saying that I "lost" a child.  I did NOT "lose" a child.  I know where Justin is; Justin is with his Maker, Justin is with us, Justin is here. Just because I cannot hold him, feel him, watch him, does not mean that he is not here or a part of our family; he is, and always will be.  Life after Justin, however, is different.  Life after having a baby pass away is different! It is hard, it is joyful, it is life; it just is.  Life goes on; one way or another God makes life keep moving forward. 

Hannah is amazing.  She is bright-eyed, she is beautiful.  I see Justin in her; I see Jesus through her eyes.  She is wonderful.  Life after "SIDS" is scary.  You don't sleep. You worry about everything! You are always on your toes!  And with three little ones life is always, always, on the go! It's new jobs, it's a new house, it's a new baby, it's a new life, it's everything!!! And I wouldn't give her up for the world!!!

I have learned a lot of new things with Hannah; like you don't have to take a baby to the doctor if they are not sick.  You do not need vaccines; they are useless and dangerous, and YOU ABSOLUTELY, BEYOND ANYTHING ELSE, HAVE TO, HAVE TO, DO YOUR RESEARCH!!! If your child passed away due to "SIDS" or "SUID" go back and look at when they got their vaccines!! DO IT! 

Life after SIDS is hard, but it is amazing! I LOVE everything about every one of my children!  I am more informed about what I feed them, what I do to them, how I live my life with them.  Do not be scared of having another baby, it is a whole new world; an amazing life you never knew possible.  Hannah is absolutely, without a doubt, worth every heartache I have ever been dealt.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Guide to Parenting


I went to bed last night with a heavy heart.  After seeing some posts from a few friends on Facebook about how sick their little ones have been since vaccinating I want to just scream through the screen! "Please, please listen to me!  Don't let this happen to them!" I wish someone would have done that to me.

 I don't generally blame myself for what happened to Justin, but last night all I could think of were the "what ifs" what if I HAD done my research before hand, what if I hadn't taken him to the doctor that day and held him while the nurses jabbed a bunch of needles into him at the same time so "it wouldn't hurt as bad." What if I had listened to Riley when he told the doctor that the reason Justin wouldn't smile at him was because "he doesn't like you." I know that that is not a healthy way of thinking, but sometimes it just sneaks up on you.  I watched a VERY informative movie last night, that I encourage EVERYONE to watch!  It is called the Greater Good. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtejYbV20-A

 I know it was all part of God's plan, and I KNOW I have a healthy, happy, poison free daughter because of all of this.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 I don't mean to question His plan, and I don't think I am, more so I was questioning my own parenting.  Sometimes, like most parents, I wish there was a Guide to Parenting Handbook; you know one that tells you what to do, including:

When you get a puppy make sure your 3 year old knows that the washing machine ISN'T for cleaning dirty puppies.
That plastic screwdrivers can and do cut through screens on windows and toddlers can and will climb out on the roof if left alone to clean their rooms for 15 minutes. 
Make sure you research anything and everything you inject into an infant or child.

Just to name a few.

I know that some of my friends think that I am pushy about vaccines, and I don't mean to be.  I really, really, just don't want to see another parent go through what we have.  I don't want another parent to go to bed with a heavy heart reliving the day they took their baby to the doctor, the day their child wouldn't stop screaming, the last time they got to snuggle with their baby, or the morning they found their child had gone to Heaven. 

I have realized that between May and August I struggle a LOT more than I think.  One night while laying in bed, for the 4th night in a row not able to sleep and waking up every hour, that I in fact am scared of the dark.  I am not scared of the monster under my bed or the boogie man in my closet, I'm not scared of ghosts or things that go bump in the night; I am scared of nighttime itself.  What happens when I'm not awake, what happens in the still of the night, what happens when I let my guard down for a minute; because one night, I did just that; and one night something awful happened.  And because of that one night, our world changed forever; we changed forever.  I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about that awful morning, or the snuggles the night before. 

So all you parents out there, please don't think I am being pushy; please, please, don't have an awful morning due to lack of knowledge. 

I found this song today after looking through some of the old comments, thank you Jamie for this!!! Here are the lyrics:


What is it like to be held in the same arms that hold the universe?

What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and Earth?

When you open your eyes and look on the face of the giver of life, the author of grace... Do you know?

That your days here changed everything. You're missed here and will always be. But you left here, the greatest gift of all. Cause our hearts ache for home...

What is it like to breathe in and breath out, Heavens glorious life? What is it like to be robed in perfection, no reason to cry?

When you feel on your face your fathers kiss, His welcome embrace we prayed for this.

You should know...

That your days here changed everything.
Your missed here and will always be
But you left here. The greatest gift of all.
Cause our hearts ache for home...

So twinkle twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle twinkle little star
we will meet you where you are...

Your days here changed everything. Your missed here and will always be.
But you left here... The greatest gift of all...

Cause our hearts ache....

For Home....