I noticed quite a few really hurtful things today. One was titled " one dead child two foolish parents" the thing is, this goes both ways. I have one dead child and Ryan and I were two foolish parents. The other was a doctor "so great" at giving a child shots. So the question is why does this get me fired up? Why can't I let it go? Here's why.
I thought I was doing right by taking my child in for his wellness check ups, for getting him his shots. I was not the foolish parent, right?? Wrong! I held my screaming baby as they jabbed him with needles that we were told were to protect him. I did. I consoled him through the fever that was "normal". I did. I also woke up one morning to him not breathing. I did. I was one out of 5 who performed cpr. I did. I was the one praying and begging my son to wake up. I did. I wanted to see him look up at me one more time, I willed him to start breathing again. I did. I heard the dr. Say, "that's one sick baby". I did. I also heard the same dr. Tell me there was nothing he could do." I heard,"I'm sorry" I did. I left that hospital with empty arms and a guilty heart. I did. I picked out a baby casket. I did. I chose what blanket, what songs, what verses to share at his funeral. I did. I watched them put a 2 foot casket, that held my baby boy, in the ground. did!!! So why do your posts offend me? Because you didn't! And I pray to God no one else ever does. I heard "your child died from a brain hemorrhage caused by aluminum build up from the dtap" that I held him down for. I did. I held him. So the next time you post please keep my heart in mind. I do not blame myself I know it was out of my control, but it is still something I struggle with every day. I do. Next time you are mean to someone because a friend doesn't like them, remember their heart has already been through the wringer. Please remember.
I also have one very healthy daughter who has never been held down and jabbed with aborted fetal tissue, aluminum, mercury,bovine serum, etc. I do. I have a healthy daughter who has been to the Dr twice and an antibiotic for two days once in her whole life. I do. I have three kids who haven't been sick enough to take to the dr. In over a year. I do. I have twin nephews free from poison who have never been sick. I do. Please remember not every laugh is joyful and not every tear is worthy of sympathy. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking for compassion. For consideration.