Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Thursday, January 15, 2015

why your posts hurt SO much

I have stopped blogging for a long time for a couple of reasons, one of them being that we don't have WiFi at home so blogging on a tiny phone proves to be difficult,  the other is I'm always worried about doing or saying something wrong. I've learned a lot from this experince. I'm never going to do or say just the right thing. If someone doesn't like you, others won't like you. It doesn't matter who you are or what your heart is, what matters is what others say. So, if that's the case, " Be who you are and say what you feel because those you mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." To quote the great Dr. Seuss.
I noticed quite a few really hurtful things today. One was titled " one dead child two foolish parents"  the thing is, this goes both ways. I have one dead child and Ryan and I were two foolish parents. The other was a doctor "so great" at giving a child shots.  So the question is why does this get me fired up? Why can't I let it go? Here's why.

I thought I was doing right by taking my child in for his wellness check ups, for getting him his shots. I was not the foolish parent, right?? Wrong! I held my screaming baby as they jabbed him with needles that we were told were to protect him. I did. I consoled him through the fever that was "normal". I did. I also woke up one morning to him not breathing. I did. I was one out of 5 who performed cpr. I did. I was the one praying and begging my son to wake up. I did. I wanted to see him look up at me one more time, I willed him to start breathing again. I did. I heard the dr. Say, "that's one sick baby". I did. I also heard the same dr. Tell me there was nothing he could do." I heard,"I'm sorry" I did. I left that hospital with empty arms and a guilty heart. I did. I picked out a baby casket. I did. I chose what blanket, what songs, what verses to share at his funeral. I did. I watched them put a 2 foot casket, that held my baby boy, in the ground.  did!!! So why do your posts offend me? Because you didn't!  And I pray to God no one else ever does. I heard "your child died from a brain hemorrhage caused by aluminum build up from the dtap" that I held him down for. I did. I held him. So the next time you post please keep my heart in mind. I do not blame myself I know it was out of my control, but it is still something I struggle with every day. I do. Next time you are mean to someone because a friend doesn't like them, remember their heart has already been through the wringer. Please remember.
I also have one very healthy daughter who has never been held down and jabbed with aborted fetal tissue, aluminum, mercury,bovine serum, etc. I do. I have a healthy daughter who has been to the Dr twice and an antibiotic for two days once in her whole life. I do. I have three kids who haven't been sick enough to take to the dr. In over a year. I do. I have twin nephews free from poison who have never been sick. I do. Please remember not every laugh is joyful and not every tear is worthy of sympathy. I'm not asking for sympathy,  I'm asking for compassion. For consideration. 

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