25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
When we first decided not to continue with birth control and leave our future up to the Lord instead, I will be honest, it was a little frightening. I wanted to know how other families felt when they made that choice, what the pregnancy was like, how they handled it both before and after the baby was born...and sadly Google just can't answer all of those questions; in fact no one knows how it will affect them until they are in that place themselves.
I will be the first to admit pregnancy after SIDS is a whole new ballgame. It comes with its own fears, its own joys, it is a whole new experience. While we were so excited to find out that we were blessed with another little one it is down right scary, and too many times I have given into fear. I know it is all in God's hands, either way, but there is always that uneasy feeling in the back of my mind and in the pit of my stomach....what if???
What if I don't feel the baby kick for an hour....well that question was answered last night....I panic, I cry, I think the worst. We had a dr. appointment today, when I told the nurse she asked me if it was my first child, LOL. Yes I was acting like a first time mom, like I had no clue what to expect. The baby started kicking, reassuring me that all was okay; thank the Lord. I need to stop doubting Him.
We only have a few weeks left until our scheduled c-section and I feel myself becoming more and more cautious and worried about everything. I knew it was bound to happen. How are we going to sleep? What if our worst nightmare happens again...what if, what if, what if. I am reminded that I do not know what tomorrow holds, but thank the Lord, I know The One who holds tomorrow. He has it under control, He knows my fears, He knows my heart, He knows my tomorrow; and He will hold me through all of it.
So for those of you contemplating a baby after SIDS please know that it will always come with its own fears, but know that worrying isn't going to help you find the joy in that new little blessing, but take it away. The Lord says, "do not fear for I am the Lord your God." I am still learning this, obviously, worrying is not going to make tomorrow better, but take away my joy in today.
For all of my prayer warriors, please keep us in your prayers these next few weeks, that the Lord will hold us up, take away our fears and replace it with hope, faith, and joy. That this little one doesn't get too excited about his or her arrival and stays kickin' away in womb until January 18th...this may be a stretch as all of our children have gotten a little too anxious about joining the world. Please pray for no NICU stays, for a healthy baby; for sleep, comfort, and peace; as we will be praying for all the other mommy's and daddy's out there dealing with fears of their own.