Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Monday, April 29, 2013

Beautiful...even in shambles

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up; I know I don't look a day over 18 right!? ;)  With that; lets reflect on the last 10 years... oh boy!  If you were to tell me at 17 that I would have to endure the heartbreak of losing a child, the martial issues Ryan and I have had, or that at one point I was so depressed that I took pills to just let "whatever happen, happen".  I can't say as I would be here right now.

 But, tell me that I would have a child in heaven watching over my two amazing, curious, clever, creative little boys to love here on earth, and a beautiful, smart, adorable, little princess, with a husband that sees me through it all; that would have made it all better.  Tell me that I would have any sort of relationship with my father, but a GREAT one at that; I might not have believed you. ;) 

I have a beautiful house, on the outside, on the inside, however, it is in shambles.  The entire house is torn apart.  We are painting, we are adding on to stairs, we are moving a kitchen from one room to another, we are making one room into two rooms and a bathroom, a kitchen into a den, a den into a living room, a living room into a bedroom...the list goes on and on, and if you were to step foot into our house right now you would think we are in way over our heads, (we are!)  :)  But much like my life; my house is in shambles to make it just that much more beautiful.  The house was beautiful to begin with, once we make it a mess, screw everything up, and put it back together it is going to be glorious!! That is what Jesus is doing with me; I am sure. 

My life was okay; then it was in shambles; and He took me to make me, mold me, to transform me; and while the process was, (and remains to be, sometimes) brutal, I can't wait to see the finished product.  He took a life to make it wonderful.  My life right now is wonderful; while my house is in shambles I can envision what it will be when we are (finally) done.  I couldn't see that when He was transforming me; but I'm glad He could. 

Life after losing a child is awful, and yet beautiful.  You will never hear me say those words together in a sentence again; but I have to say, that because Justin passed away, I cherish everyday with the blessings that only Jesus could give me.  I look at my children, and even if I am having an awful day, they do something clever, awesome, and beautiful; or my husband does something incredible; just out of the movies amazing.  I look at Hannah, and realize what a blessing she is; I see Jesus through her bright, tiny eyes.  I see His wonder, His glory, His work; I see Him.  I see Him in my children, I see Him when my husband brings home flowers for no reason; I see Him when my dad comes to work on my house.  Jesus surrounds me; He completes everything.  Nothing is done, and yet He is making everything glorious even in the shambles. 

I continue to be so amazed with God's work in me and my family; everyday it is something new, everyday is BEAUTIFUL! And for that I thank you Lord Jesus for making life beautiful even in shambles. 

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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