Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Most of you who are reading this have already read my tangent on Facebook about the information and "resources" I received from the Iowa SIDS foundation. If you haven't here it is. I received a pamphlet of information from them and in it was a lot of "information" on how they believe you can "prevent" SIDS. While I know that it is fully researched, I also know that there is no found "cause" of SIDS, there for it is hard to have a definite way of "preventing" it, and I do not believe that after a person has dealt with the passing of their child due to SIDS is the time to stuff them full of information on how to "prevent" it. Here is my e-mail to them:
Hello, I would like to start by thanking you for your condolences and the book you sent us regarding grieving the passing of a child who died of SIDS. While we appreciate the resources I was very deeply hurt and saddened that, while you meant well, that you would throw in so many things about SIDS prevention. Prevention IS definitely important and I understand that, but I believe that there is a TIME and a PLACE for it! After the passing of a child due to SIDS is NOT the time to be sending it to parents! What that does is ultimately places blame on the parentsb that they should have done something different. When the fact is, there is nothing that prevents SIDS, while the prevention is a great tool for parents and I do believe the precautions should be followed, that is NOT the way to go about it. Why not talk to parents who still have children LIVING instead of the ones who have already lost their child. You don't think that a parent of a child who died of SIDS would take every precaution the next time(if there is a next time) they had a child to prevent it from happening again?! Believe me they will! They will do their own research, the doctors will talk to them, and it is not up to you to ever make a parent, a family member, a childcare provider, or anyone else who may have been around during that time, feel like it was their fault! The truth of the matter is Jesus is in control, our days are numbered, and our children are in Heaven waiting for us. That is part of the grieving process, taking into account what death is, where my child is, and accepting the REAL facts! It is not part of a grieving process, however, to be told what I could have, or should have done that YOU feel MAY or MAY NOT have prevented my child going to Heaven. The TRUTH is there is no prevention, there is NO proven cause. Thank you again for your condolences and I am sorry this e-mail is so rude I don't mean it to be I am not by any means a hateful person and I do appreciate the other materials sent with your packet, however the prevention part was NOT one of them that I appreciated. Thank you so much.
Here are my feelings on SIDS "prevention". I don't believe there is an actual way to prevent SIDS. As stated before Jesus knows our number of days that we will be on this earth before we are ever a thought in our parents minds. Justin's number of days was only 89. I don't believe that had we done ANYTHING different that night that Jesus would have changed his number of days. Justin's life had a purpose just as his death has. His life's purpose was obviously fulfilled and it was time for him to go "home".
I wonder has there NEVER been a baby who died of SIDS who was put to sleep on his back, without a blanket, in a 72 degree room, with no bumper pads, an approved mattress, who was sleeping by himself, and didn't have a stuffed animal in his crib? Justin was in his crib, with an approved mattress, by himself, in a comfortable room with no stuffed animals, he was on his tummy, (but he knew how to roll over) he didn't have a fluffy blanket, however he did have his blanket. Because there are no answers to SIDS we try to come up with a plethora of ways that we could "prevent" it from happening. Next thing you know it will be caused by what time they ate, how much they ate, if they were sleeping upstairs or down, if their hair is dark or light...the truth of the matter is it is not preventable, there is no cause. I am not saying that the SIDS foundation is wrong, I am just simply saying that know one really knows. I am not saying tha tit is wrong to put your child to sleep the way they say, maybe that is best, but only God knows when our time to go home is and if it is our time, it's our time.