Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Friday, December 30, 2011

I Give (It) Up

I've struggled lately more with having a heavy mind than having a heavy heart. (Other than the other night of course.)  But within in the last couple days it just seems like a lot of things have been weighing on my mind.  I can feel that the Lord is gaurding my heart, but sometimes it seems as if the devil is trying to get me to feel bad by putting thoughts in my head instead. 

One night, awhile ago, I was having a really bad night!  I had posted on facebook, "I give up".  I put that as my status more for me than anything else, I think I needed to see it written down to know not only exactly what I meant by it, but to feel the words inside as well.  I have been at "that" place, (a few years ago), where I did want to just give up, give up on struggles, give up on strife, and ultimately give up on life.  I am not there, and haven't been in a long time, thank God.  So when I wrote on my status that, "I give up" what I was wanting to admit to myself and to the world is that, "I give it up," I was at a loss as to what to do, I didn't know where to go next, how to feel, or how to even deal with what I was feeling, and I knew at that moment that I needed, more than anything, that I couldn't "deal" with it on my own, my feelings were overwhelming me and I needed to give it to God, which is what I should have done when I first started letting my head control my emotions.  I can't do this on my own, any of it, that is why God has placed amazing people in my life, that he continues to surprise me with his strength, his control, and his plans.  Even in the last week he has shown me that he truly is an all powerful, knowing God, and even when I don't know what to do or where to go, He does, and He will make it happen for me, if I just 'GIVE IT UP'!

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