Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Keeping Everything In Perspective...
Last night I was lying in bed thinking about the next blog I would write. I have had a lot of friends lately have loved ones that were very close to them pass away, and if there were ANY words I could say that could offer them even an ounce of peace and hope. Last night I had it all in my head what I would write, what has given me the most peace after Justin went to be with Jesus. I am not sure if I have already written it in my blog, or if it is Justin's Jesus, (anymore I get them confused, so if I am repeating myself I am sorry). The thought that keeps peace in my heart and hope in my soul, is knowing that my perspective is miniscule compared to God's. While we are on Earth, our perspective is "here" and "now", we cannot fathom what "eternity" really means. I had a pastor one time say that in the grand scheme of things our lives here on Earth are just a "blip on a screen". I have thought about this a lot when thinking about when I will see Justin again. Again, if I can accept that God knows all, and his plan is bigger and better, I need to also remember that today doesn't hold a candle to eternity. How I feel about this is that, Justin will not be away from us for long, once I get to Heaven it will seem like no long than if we had taken him to my parent's house for the weekend. God is that big, eternity is that long, so once I get there I feel I will realize, I didn't miss out on much. So for those of you who are missing a loved one this new year, please remember, it won't seem that long once you get to hold your loved ones again, please try to keep in perspective that our perspective is sooo completely off what God's perspective is, which in turn is also the "right" perspective. So while we are missing our loved ones now, please have peace in knowing it is not as long as it seems right now, that we will be with them again.
I thought about getting up and writing the blog last night while it was still fresh in my head, but then decided not to. I don't believe in coincidences and I feel that there is a reason I waited until today to share this story.
One time in college, while I was working at Walt Disney World with my best friend, I woke up and told her that I had a dream about her brother, who had passed away a couple years prior. I had not had the privilage of meeting her brother and had never had a dream about him. All of a sudden she started crying, telling me that she also had a dream about him and she and her family always felt as if when they had dreams about loved ones who had passed on, it was them visiting you. I didn't think much of this before this incidence, because I had never had anyone really close to me die. She then went on to tell me that she also had a dream about him and in her dream she was upset and had told him that she wished he had had the chance to meet me, he told her he had. She hadn't told me yet about this dream, when I told her I had had a dream about him.
Then last week, a family friend, who's son is also in Heaven wrote me a message about being visited by her son in a dream, which doesn't happen as often as she'd like it to, but when it does it is an amazing feeling. I told her about the story of my best friend and I, and also that I had only had a couple dreams about Justin, one in which I woke up and it seemed as though he was lying next to me, I could almost feel his weight and smell his baby skin. I kissed the air next to me, rolled over and went back to sleep, quite content.
Last night after I had thought about this blog, I had a dream about Justin. He wasn't much bigger than what he was when he left us, but he could talk, (I knew this was weird, but hey it was a dream), I was cradling Justin in my arms, when he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, don't worry I will see you soon." "I know, honey." was all I said back.
I know that there are a lot of people who will read my blogs, get to this one and think, "yeah, this girl is just crazy, a mom in mourning looking for every sign that may help her in her grieving process," and that may be true. I actually had thought of this, and contemplated not putting it in the blog at all, but then thought back to other moms, wives, girlfriends, dad's, etc. who do know what I'm talking about, have the same feelings, and want to hear real stories of hope and peace. I may be a mother in mourning looking for every sign, but you know what? That's okay. It doesn't hurt anyone else for me to look deeper into the things that are happening in my life, nor does it hurt me to share my stories of hope.
I hope that those of you that are mourning look for the little things, look deeper into things that normally you would just write off, make those experiences big ones, even for yourself, that you will find hope and peace in the smallest of dreams, or the faintest of smells. God Bless you all, and I pray for hope, peace, and joy for all of you in 2012.