Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Almighty Healer

I talked in Justin's Jesus, about all that I have learned about life through Justin's passing, and that the biggest lesson of all was forgiveness.  I was thinking today, once again, about all those lessons that I am being taught everyday and about how God really does show me purpose for all of this in things that happen daily.  While I was pondering all of this and feeling very blessed to have such an Almighty God that takes care of me in this way; I realized that while yes forgiveness is a HUGE lesson that I needed to learn, that it goes far deeper than even that.  The lessons God is teaching me through Justin's death is life changing. 

Ryan and I had a very rocky start to our marriage.  We had gone through more obstacles (most of which we caused ourselves) in our first couple years of marriage than a lot of couples do in 25 years of marriage.  There were quite a few times that we seriously considered divorce, and honestly the only reason we didn't go through with it was because God, had bigger and way better plans for us, and didn't let us take control of the situation, and I am so so thankful for that.  Ryan and I got a lot of people involved in our marriage crisis as well, which only added fuel to the fire, and made things worse for our marriage, all of a sudden it became about taking sides, and we disregarded our marriage vows about two becoming one, entirely.  How amazing is our God though, that He could take such a broken marriage, a horrible marriage, and make it into a BEAUTIFUL marriage.  I would do anything for my husband, and I don't give him enough credit.  He is a hard worker, a great daddy, a loving husband, and he even does laundry!!!! ;)  Yes I know, how lucky am I??? My husband is a beautiful man of God, he devoted, he is loyal, he is amazing.

Before Justin's passing there were a lot of things in my life that were broken.  While Ryan and I had been working on our marriage and starting to get a solid foundation there we still had a ways to go, and ultimately our marriage, looking back was still broken.  I also had other relationships that were broken as well, and it took a long time for both me, and others, to learn to trust each other again.  I had disregarded my father, and he me, we were both done with that relationship, it was broken beyond repair.  A week before Justin went to be with Jesus, I made a promise to myself to never think about this man again; that wasn't even a broken relationship, it was a lost cause.  I was a broken girl, in all sense of the word, I was lost, I was broken-hearted, I was broken spirtually, and I was just hard headed enough to convince myself that I didn't care.

Thankfully I have a God that does care.  He cares about my heart, He cares about my spirit, He cares about my relationships, my family, my parents, my marriage, and my children.  Sadly it took Justin going to Heaven for me to realize just how much He cares, and that He is the Almighty Healer, there is nothing too broken for Him and there is no such thing as a "lost cause" in His eyes.  He did not "take" Justin from me to break my heart, He received Justin into Heaven to heal my heart, along with others.  I now have a great relationship, with my father :)  He is one of my biggest fans, greatest supporters, and an amazing encourager.  I love that God has brought him back into my life, and while I went in with my heart being gaurded, He has also broken the walls down that I built up around my heart in this case.  It's hard to love unconditionally with walls built up.

He has also healed other broken relationships between Ryan's family and mine.  Like I said we got a lot of people involved and by doing that we damaged a lot of relationships.  In our wedding song, appropriately named, "When God Made You" by Newsong and Natalie Grant, it says, "I will love the ones you love"  I was not very good at this, and to be honest while I loved the song, I really didn't like that part. Was I really expected to love everyone Ryan loved?  And the same for Ryan.  We were hurt we were broken, both of us, and that was expecting a lot out of two humans.  It wasn't until after Justin's passing, that we all finally became the family we were meant to be.  We are now one person, loving the same people.  I love who Ryan loves, and he loves who I love.  Though it took us awhile to get here, and something awful to bring us to this point, I am so thankful that God brought us out of the depths of darkness, hatred, and bittnerness to show us love, acceptance, and forgiveness, He has taught us how to love, and He has taught us how to live. Sadly, it took Justin going to Heaven, for me to learn some of lifes biggest lessons, but through this my soul has been restored, my faith has been renewed, and my heart has been healed. He took mercy on a bitter heart, and saved it with His grace, giving me hope for tomorrow, for I was hopeless. So while I miss Justin, I can now live everyday knowing that I will spend eternity with him in the Lord's house, because the Lord has saved me from the depths of darkness, and shown me what it means to live in the light of His love. 

Job 5: 18
For He wounds, but he also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. 

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