Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I wanted to first update everyone on the progress of Justin's Jesus. I am blown away by the amount of exposure and support Justin's Jesus has received. In less than 48 hours Justin's Jesus website has had over 1100 pageviews, and this blog has had almost 3000 in 3 months. Thank you to all of my blog readers, my friends and family, my facebook followers...ALL of you have not only gone to the website, or read the blogs; but those of you also who have shared Justin's story, those that have ordered the book, and most of all those that encouraged me to share our story. You all have been completely amazing, and I NEVER could have done this on my own. I was not expecting Justin's Jesus to take off as much as it has in even a matter of a couple of days. So thank you so much for you continued support and encouragement.
Like I said in a blog posting earlier, this is the most bittersweet experience I have ever had in my life, and while I am so thankful for all of this, it can be a little overwhelming at times too, (in a good way). It makes me sit back and humble myself that, while yes, this is exciting and amazing, it also too makes me look the situation in the face. I posted Justin's video, that my little sister and her boyfriend so graciously made for us to play at Justin's funeral on Justin's Jesus website. Even as I was adding it, as soon as it would start I would stop it. It is one of those things that I would love to watch over and over again, but I just can't. The other day I watched it for the first time in a very long time, but muted it. The songs are what gets to me. I can look at Justin's pictures everyday, and do. We have pictures of Justin hanging on the walls in our house, and will never take them down. Why would we? We wouldn't take down Riley and Jacob's pictures, in fact we add to them each year as they grow. While we don't get the pictures of Justin every year, I have decided that I have enough pictures of Justin, (thank you Lord, for having me take those pictures while I could), that each time I change Riley and Jacob's pictures I am going to change his picture too, I may even edit some of them so that they are "new" to us. Today I watched the video for the first time, with sound, in I don't know how long. I'll be honest, that was a couple of hours ago, and my stomach is still in knots and my eyes still burn. While I am so so very thankful that Jack and Jill were able to make that for us, it is heart breaking to listen to and watch, and a lot of the reason is because it does capture Justin's essence, it shows who Justin was in the short time we had him, it shows how much he was loved, by so many people. What an amazing baby God blessed me with. I think also why it is so hard for me to watch, is because I was there the day every one of those pictures were taken, and it seems like it was only yesterday. Only yesterday was he sitting in his swing smiling at me, only yesterday was he making funny faces at his daddy, only yesterday did Riley and Jacob ask if they could hold him or feed him...all of it was only "yesterday". It has only been 5 months...that really isn't much longer than, "only yesterday"
I'm taking a short break just to reflect on the situation at hand, and praying that I get through the day with a smile on my face and peace instilled in my heart. It's the bittersweet times, that make me sit back and make a conscience decision on if I want to dwell on the bitterness of it, (what brought us to this place), or realize just how sweet and miraculous all of this has been, (now that this is where we are).
Thank you again for your support and thank you for continuing to share Justin's story, but please pray for us also that we are able to make the decision every day that this is a very sweet thing, yes it is tragic what brought us to this place, but we will see Justin again, and this is an amazing season in our life, after such a heart breaking one. Thank you all!!! Also if you have not watched Justin's video, I encourage all of you to do that, I want everyone to know just how precious, how beautiful, how sweet, and how loved Justin was and continues to be.