Justin Ryker Swick

Justin Ryker Swick

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Baby Steps

Springtime is here!  It is beautiful outside and the weather we are having is more like May-time weather rather than March weather.  While I think I would love  the fact that it  is warmer sooner if it had happened any other year; this year I am especially grateful for an early spring.  I didn't realize how the little things, like weather change, smells, and just the changing of seasons in general would affect me. 

I was starting to get the whole cabin-fever feeling towards the end of "winter;" even though we had a mild winter; it was still winter.  I was ready to be able to get out of the house, to see a little sunshine, green grass, and leaves on the trees.  I probably get like that every year and just don't realize it, however this year it hit me hard.  Once the weather started getting nice, and we were getting the smell of spring in the air, and warm breezes, it felt like May...which in turn brought me back to May.  It is a bitter-sweet thing, while May-August will always be the best time in our lives, the only time we had our family all physically together, it is also such a sorrowful time as well.

So while I was so excited that the weather was beautiful, I walked outside on one of the first really nice days this spring and was taken back.  I didn't even think about how hard it would be, all I thought was, "wow it is a beautiful day, lets go outside and play!!" It wasn't like that at all, and for the first time, ever in my life, I found myself wishing it was still winter. 

I was so excited for spring, and I still am, I LOVE spring and summer, it is my all time favorite time of the year.  I love flipflops and t-shirts, and not having to get bundled up to go outside. I love the smell of the flowers, the grass, and just the air in general. I love the feeling of the perfect day when the weather is just right and the breeze makes it that much more wonderful, I just love it. 

Unfortunately, though, this year I had to relearn that love, that appreciation, for the changing of the seasons.  I wish I could just walk outside and love being there; watching the boys play, seeing the beautiful magnolia trees in bloom, and enjoy these more than beautiful days, because they are so beautiful, but right now that it is so hard for me to do.    

I don't want to be back in May.  I don't want it to be a year, I don't want to celebrate Justin's birthday without him, and if May is just around the corner...then August is too, and I definitely don't want to be back there. 

So while this spring is hard, and things that I never expected to knock me on my booty, did; I am glad that God is giving it to me in stride.  I am thankful that I don't have to deal with the changing of the seasons and May all at the same time this year.  Right now I can handle this part of the road...May when it comes, and ultimately that dreadful August month.  We will get through it.  Thank you Lord, for the early spring and for giving me baby steps to take right now. 

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