Like I said, I do have a great family and an awesome support system, but at the same time you can hide that pain from....well everyone...if you are good at it. Everyone says they are they for you, and they are! They really are! If I were just to call someone up and say,"today I'm really hurting", they would talk me through it without skipping a beat...but how do you do that? How do you show that pain, that kind of vulnerabilty?
Some people are really good at just asking for it; I am not one of those people. I don't know how to do that, I don't know how to ask for help in that way; when people see me; especially after reading Justin's Jesus, they think, "wow she has awesome faith and is handling it so well" and I do and I am. I hold tight to my faith, Jesus has pulled me out of the water many times, and carried me through the hardest times of my life...but what about the rest? What happens when I am not so strong, when I am not "handling it well", or I am really hurting, but don't talk about it...what then? Sometimes, I will be honest, I just don't know.
I usually find my answer while writing my blog, and by the end of it I have the answer, or at least feel a little more at peace. I'm sorry I can't end it this way, sometimes, even people with the strongest of faith, are just at a loss. I know that I will be okay. I know that tomorrow is a new day, and the warm breeze that feels like May, will just feel like an extra warm breeze blowing in March, God will make it okay.