Friday, March 2, 2012
Trying to catch my spirit
I feel like I am in a daze, with my human form trying to catch up with my spirit. My body is tired, my mind weary, but my soul on the other hand is alive and vibrant. I feel like Peter Pan trying to catch his shadow. Although I am a human trying to catch my spirit.
My human body and mind wants to think about where I would be if that "dreadful day" never happened, if August 11, 2011 was just another "insignificant" day. Where would I be? I would be putting three kids down for a nap, I would wake up to cooing and babbles, I would still have diapers on my shopping list, and three carseats in the back of the explorer. My life would be crazy with three kids under the age of five, and busy with trying to keep up with all of them.
Instead, August 11, 2011 was not an "insignificant" day, it was a day that change our lives forever. Now instead of listening to baby babbles, I hear SIDS advocates babble and blame parents for "unsafe sleeping procedures" point the finger, and demand answers that just aren't there, (and that is not nearly as joyful or rewarding), diapers are not on our shopping list, and we have room for one more passenger in our explorer. Life is busy with a book about our son's passing and crazy with book signings, press releases, and interviews.
Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for all that God has given me, the purposes He has shown me, and answers to questions and prayers, that I probably don't deserve, but my body and soul are in two different places right now. My soul is joyful and singing of God's praises. My soul is not tired or weary because my soul is what contains my faith; however my soul is so far ahead of my human shell right now that I hoping someday I will be able to catch up with it.