Friday, March 9, 2012
Has Jesus put a baby in your tummy yet?
A lot of people have asked me if we plan on having anymore children, and to be honest this was one thing I google-searched. When is the "right" time to have another child, or is there a "right" time, what are the risks, the statistics of it happening again. Were there other parents who were blogging that had a child after having one pass away to SIDS, what did they think, how are they doing...I didn't find anything. I'm not sure why I thought google would help, I guess because you can go to google for almost anything! It didn't help, I guess I knew it wouldn't. I am not worried, now, that it will happen again, as I know that it is all according to God's plan.
I get asked the question, "Mommy, has Jesus put a baby in your tummy yet?" Everyday!!! :) I didn't know that a four year old could have baby fever, but HE DOES! One night while saying our prayers, after explaining to him what twins are, (my sister has twins and he couldn't figure out how two babies could fit in one belly), Riley decided he was going to ask Jesus for two babies. The prayer went like this, "Dear Jesus please put two babies in my mommy's tummy" Jacob on the other hand went a little further, "Dear Jesus please put one, two, three, four, five, six babies in my mommy's tummy" Needless to say, I tried to counteract that prayer with my own that night!! :)
After Justin passed away, I decided that I didn't want to have anymore children, even though we were planning on having another child when he was still with us. I wanted to "try" for a girl, in fact I cried when I found out that both Jacob and Justin were boys. Yes I was completely petty! I love my boys just as much as I would ever love a girl, and I knew that, I just really wanted to do hair and paint fingernails! I was worried, that it would happen again, that we would never sleep, and that yes I would let fear completely consume me yet again. I am not there anymore. I am not fearful, or worried, and I do not care if we do have another child, if the baby is a boy or a girl.
I had gotten on Mirena, (birth control) a few weeks after Justin was born, and had the worst time with it, and after a few months ended up having to get it removed because it had tipped and was making it almost unbearable to even walk. At this time we still weren't sure about more children and I had been taking diet medication and didn't want to risk getting pregnant while on it, so I decided to get birth control pills, kind of against Ryan's wishes. He still wanted more children, (he is not a worry-wort like I was) but also agreed that I had a choice to make, be on the diet pills and birth control or neither. After a lot of discussions and many many prayers, we finally came to a decision. We decided that we are in no position to "plan", as I said in Justin's Jesus, Justin was the only child that we "planned" for, knowing now that we are foolish if we believe we actually "plan" anything in our lives. :) We thought it was best to just give it to God. He is the only one who can prepare us for it, makes us "ready", and knows the "right" time, and we trust in His timing and his plan for our lives, our children's lives, and our future children.
So as of right now, Jesus had not put one, two, three, four, five, six babies in my tummy. I am to the point where I would like to have more children, but I am not "planning" on having one. If the time is ever right, the Lord will bless us with a child, if not, then we have two beautiful little boys here on earth that we get to enjoy everyday, and one precious baby in Heaven waiting for us. So I guess, the answer to the question if we are going to have another child is...we'll see. :) Maybe someday Jesus will put another baby in my tummy.